


On Repeat

by e_riley232



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M, olicity - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-08
Updated: 2015-06-06
Packaged: 2018-03-06 16:08:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 26,553
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3140474
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/e_riley232/pseuds/e_riley232
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In one world, Felicity died and Oliver can't get over it. Three years of marriage wasn't enough, and he can't do anything but blame himself for the death of his wife, especially when the bullet was meant for him. </p><p>But what happens when the universe gives you another chance to right your wrongs and give you what you wanted - to be with her again? What's real and what's a dream? Or does it matter when you finally have the love of your life back?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I'll Remember

**Author's Note:**

> So this one was inspired by the fictional trailer I stumbled on YouTube: http://youtu.be/vSLeNyQfFAs, but also inspired by the movie If Only. Just a little thought that I had. I do enjoy angst and drama and a lot of fluff.
> 
> Comments and feedback are always welcome. Hopefully I get out of the writers block this time around.

Its been six months since she was taken from him, but the pain was still there as if it happened yesterday. For Oliver, it did just happen yesterday. Every night, it was the same nightmare. They were having dinner one minute, and the next, he was fighting off bullets and she was struck with one in the chest. Sometimes, it felt so real that the nightmare felt like it was still going. It  _was_ still going.

Oliver walked through the cemetery, flowers in hand. He walked through this cemetery once a week that he could walk to her with his eyes closed. The guily washed over him as it did every morning when he woke up. He knelt down in front of the tombstone and gathered the dead roses from the week before, and replaced them with fresh flowers. 

Seeing her name on the tombstone was surreal, _Felicity Meaghan Queen. Beloved daughter and wife. Lost too soon, forever in our hearts._ He always found it odd, the sayings families would leave on the gravestones. The funeral home had asked him what he wanted the stone to say, "Three sentences max," they told him. Oliver laughed at that, how could he summarize Felicity's life in three sentences or less when Felicity, herself, couldn't contain herself with three sentences or less. In the end, he left that to her mother. It didn't matter what that tombstone said; all he wanted was his wife back. 

A hand distracted him from his short reverie. He stood up and sighed, "Thea."

"I saw your car in the lor when I was driving by," she said, her tone sad. "Weekly visit?"

"Yeah. Replaced the flowers. What's going on, Thea? Come here to check if I was going to show up at the therapist's office?"

She nodded, "Busted. Ollie, you look terrible," she said after a breath. 

"That's what happens when your wife dies." 

Thea laid down a single red rose and followed Oliver to the lot, "Ollie, it's been six months. I don't expect you to be out celebrating, but you don't look like you've been sleeping or eating. You need to take care of yourself, Felicity would want that."

Oliver turned to stare down at his no longer kid sister. "Thea, what do you want from me? I am going to a shrink because last week you begged me to. I lost my wife, Thea. My wife. At a bullet that was meant for me. Can you really blame me if I can't sleep at night knowing that? Knowing that the man who murdered my wife is still out there? I'm sorry if I'm not the man you want me to be six months after, but I am trying my best."

Thea dropped her gaze, "Let's just go see the shrink, okay? And after, we'll go get dinner. I don't know who I want you to be, Ollie. I just want my brother back." 

 

He wasn't sure what he was expecting, but this was definitely not it. The couch felt good underneath his palms, and despite the setting sun, there was a lot of natural light through the window. 

"Mr. Queen? Mr. Queen. Shall we get started, or do you want to caress my couch a little more?" 

Oliver smiled and clasped his hands together, "Yeah. Sorry. So, how does this all go? Is it like what it is in the movies? We chat about our feelings?" 

Dr. Kim smiled and stared at Oliver for a few seconds. "Thea tells me in her session that you've been having a hard time. How about we start there?"

"Okay," his voice chipper. "Six months ago, my wife was murdered. She was shot in the chest during our anniversary dinner. Three years of marriage and poof, she's gone. So, yeah, I've been having a real hard time." 

"I'm sorry, Mr. Queen. Losing someone close to you can be extremely difficult. It can't be easy, especially for someone like you."

"Someone like me?" 

"Your name is pretty popular the last few years. Being marooned on that island, witnessing your father's suicide. Your mother's death. And now your wife."

"Felicity," he whispered. "So now what? You let me cry until I feel better?"

"Actually, I want you to tell me about her. What she was like, what she looked like. Her favourite things, her least favourite."

Oliver narrowed his gaze, "Why?"

"Colour me intrigued about the woman who stole Oliver Queen's heart."

He sighed while Dr. Kim just sat on her chair waiting for his response. It wasn't that he didn't like talking about Felicity; hell, it mght actually make him feel better. It was talking about her with a stranger that scared him. For years, he knew she was too good for him, he didn't deserve her. So what if all of these didn't make him better, but made him worse? 

"She was beautiful," he said softly. "Like no one I've ever met. An IT girl at my father's company, who would've thought, right?"

"Tell me about your first meeting." 

Oliver leaned back and took a deep breath. "I needed help with my laptop. Spilled a latte on it. Or at least, that's what I told her." He smiled at the memory. "I walked in there, handed her my laptop and asked her to recover data. She just looked at me, her blue eyes waiting for me to tell her the truth." His smile dissipated, "She was always able to tell when I lied. Anyways, she worked her magic, like she always did. She could crack any code."

Dr. Kim smiled, "Sounds like a smart woman."

"She was. Smartest out there. But not in a cocky, arrogant way. She just was, you know? Beautiful and smart, killer combination."

"Was it love at first sight?" 

"No," he laughed. "My girl, she was smart, but not very social. Felicity, she tended to babble," he laughed. "Always saying inaprropriate things. When we got closer - as friends, I mean - we were doing this job together. She told me she loved having me inside her. Stupidest thing. Even to strangers, she was able to thoroughly embarass herself. Talking herself into loads of trouble."

"How did she take you dating history; I'm sure that couldn't have been easy." 

Oliver sighed and shook his head. "That was something that I loved about her. She didn't care. I mean, I'm sure she did care - She's a woman, afterall - but she never once judged on that. Especially the Oliver pre-Island days, you know. But this one time, with Sara. Felicity felt..." he paused to search for the right word, "left out. She put herself in danger just to feel like she mattered. Felicity was always important to me. Even when I was with McKenna and Sara; Felicity was always a priority."

Dr. Kim could see she was losing him to his own thoughts. "And what about Felicity? Did she have any male suitors?"

"She had a few. She was able to turn heads whenever she dressed up." Barry and Ray sprung to mind. "I guess you could call me over-protective."

"Tell me about the moment you fell in love with Felicity."

"Falling for Felicity was different. She was different than all the women I've been with. I don't know about the moment I fell in love with her, all I know is that the second she was in danger, I would've gladly gave my life for her. On our first date, she asked me to tell her a secret. It came out so naturally, I trusted her with every fiber of my being. And the day I proposed, I told her it was a mistake to say yes."

She laughed, "That's unconventonal." 

"Felicity looked at me, kissed me and said the only mistake was for her to try to live without me. I still remember the day we got married. Seeing her in the dress, walking down the aisle - she looked like something out of the heavens. Her hair was down, and her mother walked her down the aisle. She was so beautiful. And then we said our vows. She promised me that I would never be alone again. I promised her I'd keep her safe." Oliver rubbed his face and groaned at the feel of his tears on his cheek. "I failed her. I killed her."

"Mr. Queen, can you tell me about the day she died?"

"It was our three-year anniversary. I told her I would meet her at the restaurant 'cause I had unfinished business. She was there when I arrived and she was wearing red. It was the colour of the pen she had in her mouth when we first met. Every year she woud ask me to tell her that story. We were having dinner when the first shot went down. We looked at each other; I got up, threw the table and grabbed for her. It was an instinct, my reflex. She held onto me and we were almost at the door when the gunman was in front of us." He paused. "I pushed Felicity behind me. I fought him, but there was another one behind me. Felicity jumped in front and he shot her. I watched her bleed out, held her hand. The ambulance wasn't fast enough. She was already gone by the time they got there,  _DOA_ they call it. A week later, I buried her."

It was quiet for a few minutes, moreso for him. "Mr. Queen, I think that's enough for today. Maybe you can book an appointment for another session next week."

Oliver nodded, grabbing his jacket before heading for the door.

"Mr. Queen? You loved your wife, it's clear for anyone to see. And if I gathered anything from what you told me, she loved you."

Thea was waiting for him outside, and just as she promised, they headed to Big Belly Burger for dinner. He remembered Felicity complaining about his obsession for this place, blaming him for the few extra pounds she gained when they would eat out. It felt like today was a day of memories for him, but unlike the last six months, it didn't hurt as bad. 

That night before going to sleep, he looked at their wedding picture on his nightstand; his arms wound around her tight, his lips against her ear and a blissful smile on her face. He remembered he was whispering  _I love you_ to her when the photographer took their photo. "I love you," he said out loud, before closing his eyes and drifted off to sleep. 

 

It was the same nightmare that woke him up; his breathing coming out in gasps. It was already morning, although it felt like he was asleep for less than hour. His alarm clock was blaring, and he reached for it to turn it off, facing the photo he stared at right before he fell asleep the night before. Another day, he thought.

Oliver got out of bed and made his way to the kitchen to turn on the coffee as he did every morning, but to his surprise, the coffeemaker was already on. He brushed off the off feeling in his chest, assuming Thea used her key to check up on him. He opened the front door, but the driveway was empty, except for his car. Oliver re-entered the house and locked the door before heading back upstairs. The bathroom light was opened, with steam seeping out from underneath the door. He opened the door and heard the shower, "Thea?"

He wasn't prepared for what he saw when the shower curtain opened. "Good morning, handsome. Want to join?"

Oliver had gone through a lot - five years of being on that island, watching his father commit suicide, watching his mother being murdered, fighting countless villains. But nothing was as shocking or surprising as seeing his dead wife in the shower. "Felicity?"


	2. Dream v. Reality

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oliver has zero clue what's real, but he knows exactly what he needs to do. The only problem is that Felicity knows exactly when her husband is lying to her.

It was the same nightmare that woke him up; his breathing coming out in gasps. It was already morning, although it felt like he was asleep for less than hour. His alarm clock was blaring, and he reached for it to turn it off, facing the photo he stared at right before he fell asleep the night before. Another day, he thought.

Oliver got out of bed and made his way to the kitchen to turn on the coffee as he did every morning, but to his surprise, the coffeemaker was already on. He brushed off the off feeling in his chest, assuming Thea used her key to check up on him. He opened the front door, but the driveway was empty, except for his car. Oliver re-entered the house and locked the door before heading back upstairs. The bathroom light was opened, with steam seeping out from underneath the door. He opened the door and heard the shower, "Thea?"

He wasn't prepared for what he saw when the shower curtain opened. "Good morning, handsome. Want to join?"

Oliver had gone through a lot - five years of being on that island, watching his father commit suicide, watching his mother being murdered, fighting countless villains. But nothing was as shocking or surprising as seeing his dead wife in the shower. "Felicity?"

Felicity straightened her back at Oliver's surprised tone. "Expecting someone else?" 

He rubbed his face with his hands and walked out of the bathroom, heading back towards the kitchen. Back at the coffeemaker, there were two mugs set out that he clearly missed just minutes before. He turned and checked his surroundings; it was the same as ever. Although, if he was looking for something in particular, he wouldn't find it; Oliver hadn't changed much since Felicity died. Their wedding picture was still on the mantle, magazines askew on the coffee table. There was a layer of dust on the television, but again, didn't say much - they usually didn't spend their nights watching television. 

Oliver continued to check the small details, but the only thing that felt wrong was what he was feeling inside, and the fact that his dead wife was in the shower. 

Felicity walked into the living room already fully dressed, complete with a pair of red heels. She poured herself some coffee and leaned against the counter as she brought the ceramic to her lips, and she watched Oliver over the top. Oliver stopped and stared back at her. 

"You're acting extra broody today. What's going on, and why do you keep staring at me like that?"

He closed the distance between, keeping a watchful eye on her and reached out his hand to cup her cheek. She was real, he mused. Oliver leaned down and pressed his lips softly against hers as she rested her hands on his waist.  _Definitely real._ After living without her so long; touchin her, kissing her, he deepend the kiss and reveled in the soft moan from her throat. He broke the kiss to catch his breath and rested his forehead against hers. "I missed you so much," he whispered. 

Felicity pulled away and looked at him, "I didn't go anywhere. Oliver, what's wrong?" 

He wasn't 100% sure if this was a dream or not, but he had her back. Again, not sure for how long, but for now, he had her back. "You look beautiful."

She smiled, "Ray's got me filling in for him at the office while he's overseas. Today on the agenda I have three meetings and a less competent assistant, who I hope managed to schedule them sporadically throughout the day unlike last time, making me skip both lunch and dinner. It was super embarassing explaining what that horribl grumbling sound was to the QC-stock manager. Which reminds me, Lyla and Dig invited both of us to dinner, so the Arrow suit stays in the lair tonight." 

Felicity checked her watch, and downed he rest of her coffee. "Crap, I got to go. Should we meet at Dig's or can I expect you to pick me up?" She stood on her tip toes and wrapped her arms arund his neck. 

"I'll pick you up." Whatever was happening, although he didn't believe in time travel, he was going to keep a close eye on Felicity. "If you can wait just a few minutes, let me just change and I'll drive you. That way we're not stuck with two cars in the lot."

He quickly got to their bedroom and saw that the clothes he haphazardly left on the chair next to the bed the night before was no longer there. In fact, if he remembered correctly, the sweater he wore yesterday was the sweater Felicity bought him for his birthday the year before. Oliver opened their shared closet and the sweater was on a hanger. With the tag still attached. 

"Oliver?"

Oliver grabbed a pair of jeans and pulled on a t-shirt before taking his keys and returned to the living room. "Ready?" 

He pulled into the lot and went around to the passenger's side. 

"You don't need to walk me in."

"You really going to stop your husband from seeing that his wife gets into her office safely?"

She let him take her hand and lead her through the doors. "Honey, I thought Dig told you that we hate it when you speak in third person." 

They headed up to the 39th floor, Oliver continuing to be clingy. She let go of his hand to hang up her jacket and bag inside the closet, "It's been years since you walked me to my office."

It had been years since he dropped Felicity to her office. And months since he visited the building. At least he thought it was months. Oliver wasn't sure what was going on. If this was a dream, he thought he'd snap back out of it by now. Hallucinations wasn't a stranger to Oliver. He could remember seeing his father back on the island and how everything appeared normal, until it wasn't. He could also remember seeing Shado and Tommy after they've died. But this was different; not because there wasn't a white glow around Felicity, but all those other times, those hallucinations knew they were dead. Felicity was still acting very much alive.

"I won't apologize for wanting to spend time with my wife." 

Felicity's temporary assistant knocked before entering the office, her head focused on the her tablet. "Mrs. Queen, I just emailed your messages as you requested, and Mr. Palmer asks you to email him at the end of the day to update him on the state of the proceedings." Finally her head turned up and she realized there was someone in the room. "Mr. Queen. Hi. I mean, Good morning, hello." She stuttered. "Can I get you a coffee? Latte?" 

Oliver smiled, "No, thank you." He leaned back onto Felicity's desk. 

Felicity stepped into the V of his legs once her assistant stepped back into the hall. "You are going to make her go into cardiac arrest showing that boyish grin of yours." She laid her hands on his shoulder, "Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yeah," he said. "It's just an off day. I should go over to Dig's."

"Is there a case we're working on?

"No," he pushed her hair off her shoulders. "Not at all, just wanted to speak to him about a few things. Listen, I'll pick you up tonight, okay? I love you."

Before heading to the doors, Felicity's assistant re-entered. "Mrs. Queen, Mr. Nigiri just arrived for your 10 o'clock."

"Great, send him in."

Oliver held the door opened as the man entered. A chill ran up his spine as he did, recognizing him instantly. 

"Mr. Queen, I wasn't aware you would be joining us today."

Felicity shook her head, "Mr. Nigiri, why don't you take a seat. My husband was actually just leaving." She waited for Oliver to leave her office before starting business.

Oliver exited the building hitting three on speed dial. Diggle answered on the second ring, "We have a situation." 

Oliver met up with Diggle back at the lair after he showered. "Good, you're here."

"You call, I follow. Although, I'm pretty sure Felicity mentioned tonight would be a night off."

"Diggle, whatever I tell you stays between us. Felicity stays out of this one."

"We haven't kept Felicity in the dark since Helena, and even then it didn't work out well. That was ages ago, Oliver. What's going on?"

When Oliver got back to the house, he did a little more digging, and what he found wasn't easy to digest. "This is going to sound crazy, Dig. Yesterday, I attended a therapy session where we talked all about Felicity. And this morning, I woke up eight months earlier with Felicity by my side."

"What are you talking about, Oliver? Eight months earlier?"

Oliver paused, not knowing if the words would even escape his lips. He took a seat in front of Diggle and clasped his hands together. "November of this year, Felicity and I will be celebrating our third year anniversary. We'll be having dinner when a shoot out will happen. There'll be two casualties - the restaurant owner…"

"And?"

"And my wife."

"What do you mean? How do you know this?"

"Because it already happened. Diggle, this is crazy, I know. I woke up and thought this whole thing was a dream. But it's not."

"Maybe that was a dream. Felicity dying was just another one of your nightmares, because what you're saying…."

"John! It wasn't a dream. Don't you think I'd be able to tell the difference. Felicity died in my arms. She was shot; two bullets to the chest. Diggle, I buried her. I attended her funeral and I buried her. It wasn't a dream. As much as I wanted it to be, that wasn't a dream. And as much I think this is, it's not either. I have no idea what happened; how I got sucked back here. But what the hell am I supposed to do?" 

Diggle sat there, trying to understand what was being said. "Time travel doesn't exist, man."

"You think I don't know that?!" Oliver stood up and paced the darkened room. "Dig, I've gone through five years on the island. I watched my best friend's father hurt this city, I watched my best friend die. I witnessed my mother being murdered. We were there when a bunch of Mirakuru soldiers invaded this city. There's not much that would surprise me, but this? This is far crazier than anything I've ever dealt with."

"Then how do you know this is true?"

"Because the man who ordered the hit was the same man who walked into Felicity's office. And it took every fiber in my being to not kill him right there. If this is real, John, if any of this is real, than I need to stop this from happening. I need to save Felicity's life."

None of this made any sense. None of it could make any sense. But if Oliver was right, even if a tiny piece of it was true, he needed to do his part. "What do we do?"

At 5pm, Oliver went to go pick up Felicity and head straight to Diggle's for dinner. They ate and played with Sara; just as they did every week. But after Felicity died, Oliver stopped visiting; weeks turned into months, and months turned into every couple of months. In the six months, Oliver had only seen Sara a handful of times; he hadn't been a great godfather. But if he could change what happened, if this was the reason why he was here now, everything would change.

Felicity walked out onto the balcony where Oliver seemed to be hiding out. "There you are," she said, "You've been spaced out all night. All day actually."

"Felicity."

She walked towards him. When her heels were off, she was half a foot shorter than him, which made it difficult to take the upper hand. "Oliver," she repeated in the same tone. "Remember when we first met? Our first couple of meetings, actually? I always could tell when you bulshitting me. Six years later, that hasn't changed. Actually, it made me pretty good at catching on with the lies. I've given you the day to sulk or figure whatever needs to be figured out. So look me in the eye and tell me the truth, please."

"That used to be my line."

"Yeah, until you started lying to me."

Oliver sighed before he turned to face her. "The truth? I love you so much, baby."

"Well, I know that," she smiled. "You're acting like I'm in danger or something. Driving me to work, walking me to my office."

He took her hand and traced the band on her fourth finger, "Because you might be. Felicity, Mr. Nigiri is dangerous."

Felicity pulled her hand away, "Nigiri? Calvin? He's a potential investor that Ray was supposed to be meeting with. What does he have anything to do this? Or me?"

Obviously this wasn't going to go down as he initially assumed. That meant Felicity needed to be kept in the dark, and he needed to get his act together. Whatever blind spot he had when it came to Felicity, he needed to overcome it. For both their sakes.

Oliver cleared his throat and plastered his most genuine smile. "You're right. You're completely right. I've been completely off all day. I just had this dream, you know, and it scared me. It reminded me of how much I had to lose. You're the only woman I ever wanted to commit to, Felicity. And that scares the crap out of me because it means if I ever lost you, I'd lose my entire world. And I don't ever want to lose you."

"You won't. Ever."

And he would make sure of that. "I think it's time to call it a night. Maybe take you up on the offer of this morning?"

Felicity laughed, "I did find it weird that you turned that down." She grabbed hold of his hand and let him pull her through the doors, ready to go home to their bed.


	3. Secrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loving each other wasn't the problem. The problem was the secrets.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the support. Short fluffly chapter for you all :)
> 
> So I'm no stranger to writing love scenes, but as I mentioned before, I haven't written in a long while. So maybe in the upcoming chapters, I'll throw in some sensual lovemaking, but until then, just use some imagination (we all know that they would make great lovers).

It was another nightmare that plagued Oliver's senses. He expected to be jolted wake by something, bring him back to his reality. It all felt surreal to him. What he needed was something that would let him know this was really happening. Watching Felicity die, and living without her for six months was much worse than a nightmare. He needed proof that he really did come back, that all of this wasn't a dream. That he could really save her.

Oliver turned his head to check what time it was - 3:26am. Felicity was sound asleep against him, her head resting on his shoulder, her arm around his torso, their legs entangled. He wasn't tired, he was too busy worrying.

Oliver extracted himself from her carefully, pulling the covers over her body and brushing his lips over her cheek. She stirred for a second, before relaxing back against the blankets. He grabbed a T-shirt from the chair next to their bed and made his way to their living room. He took the calendar from the wall and brought it with him to the couch. The black box haunted him - November 14th. Sixty-two days from now. He circled it with a red marker and reached for Felicity's tablet. 

He pulled up her agenda and saw that between now and then, she had four more meetings set up with Nigiri, and the last meeting was on November 1; exactly two weeks from his personal deadline. He needed more information on him, information that Felicity's tablet wouldn't give. 

He stood up to grab a usb from Felicity's personal collection. What was great about marrying a cyber nerd, she always had a random usb laying around. Oliver copied all of her files, hoping that something would jump out at him. It was going to be tough doing all of this on his own. He'd become used to relying on Felicity and her brain in solving all of the cases he'd been working on for the last six years, this was going to be the hardest one.

Oliver turned on his laptop and transferred all of Felicity's files to his computer and began scanning through every single document she had ever exchanged with Nigiri. All of it seemed legitimate. But then again, nothing was ever as it seemed; he learned that the hard way.

An arm snaked around his shoulders and Oliver pulled down the screen.

"You're lucky I'm half-blind without glasses or contacts. What are you doing up?" Felicity rested her cheek against his.

"Couldn't sleep. You?"

"Rolled over onto a cold spot on the bed."

Oliver laughed, and turned his head to kiss her on the cheek. "Sorry."

Felicity let go of him to sit beside him on the couch. "I was dreaming of our honeymoon."

"We didn't have a honeymoon, remember?"

"Exactly. We always said that it could wait. Maybe I don't want to wait any longer. You're stressed out of your mind, lurking in the shadows. And I could go for some long awaited alone time with my husband, where I don't wake up alone in bed. What do you say?"

She was right. Maybe if he could take her out of the situation itself, that would solve the dilemma. But the second they came back, what if it was something else? No, he needed to get rid of the source. 

"How about…after our anniversary dinner, we head out. Leave this place for a few weeks. Months, even."

"Months? What about Starling City and their Arrow?"

"Maybe it's time to re-evaluate our priorities. It's been six years, Felicity, there's never going to be a great to time to spot being the Arrow, but maybe now's the time to finally be normal?"

Felicity threw a leg over his lap and straddled his hips. "Do you really mean that? Normal?"

"How does two boys and a girl sound? We'll finally move out of this townhouse, get a bigger place with a yard. Maybe a dog?"

"I never took you for a suburbia kind of guy."

"Maybe it just took the right kind of IT girl."

Felicity smiled against his lips, her fingers reaching the hem of his t-shirt. "So, should we wait until our anniversary?"

Oliver positioned her right atop of him, his hands digging into her hips. "Don't they say practice makes perfect?"

"We never spoke about kids before," she said softly, drawing tiny circles on his chest.

"You don't want kids?"

"Of course I want kids. I want a bunch of them. I just thought that with what we do, you'd think it'd be too dangerous to have kids, to have a family."

"I did. But, I realized that as much as I love our life, I want more. I want a house, I want kids, I want all of it. And I want it with you."

Felicity kissed him hard before closing her eyes. She loved their life too, and she loved the idea of sharing a family with him. But this life had consequences. Oliver was keeping a secret from her; she felt it in her bones. And she knew it the second she watched Oliver leave her bedside and take her tablet, transferring all her files onto his laptop. He was keeping something from her. The only trouble was that she was too."


	4. Protection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lies are never a good way to protect those you love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hit a challenging time in my personal life that it's quite difficult to update on regular basis. This chapter was supposed to be longer, but I felt bad for not updating, so I'm posting this. I'll try to update sooner.
> 
> Keep the positive energy up :)

As every morning, Felicity was the first to wake up. She stepped out of bed and pulled on her robe before starting the pot of coffee.

"Busy schedule this morning?"

"Not so much. Ray comes back to the office this afternoon, so I'm back on boring desk duties. Maybe I'll start researching vacation destinations."

"No islands," he said.

Felicity nodded, "I remember, no islands. And what are your plans?"

"Lunch with Thea. She's home for a couple of weeks."

"Maybe she can come for dinner. It's been awhile since I've seen her, too."

Oliver nodded, taking a sip of his own coffee. "Will you be home early enough to prepare dinner? Acting CEO can take up a lot of hours; I remember that much."

"It's like I said, Ray comes back today. So he can deal with the all the meetings and the tough choices. I can go back to doing what I do.

"And what is it that you do again?"

Felicity dumped her mug in the sink, "I am the dutiful, supportive wife to one billionaire by day and occasional vigilante by night. Does my husband have an issue with that? Because remember, I am able to change any official document that is available online, including creating divorce papers without the legal hassle," she raised an eyebrow at him.

Oliver smiled and kissed her on her cheek, "No. No problem at all."

"That's what I thought." She headed to the bathroom to take her morning shower.

"No invitation this time?" He called out.

Felicity laughed and blew him a kiss. "Can you do me a favour," she called out. "Can you pack up my tablet, I can't forget it today."

 

His research began today in the lair. Since Oliver invited Thea over for dinner, Thea decided to take a rain check for lunch, giving Oliver more time in the lair. So far, his searches were getting him nowhere. This Calvin Nigiri was a 34-year old businessman who wanted to expand his shares overseas. His previous dealings all appeared legitimate. He paid his taxes on time, and donated 2% of his yearly earnings to local charity; which for a man who earned over $3 million a year was saying a lot. On the personal side, he was married for twelve years and had 4 children, three sons and a daughter. Seemed like Calvin had it all. So why would a multimillionaire want to do business with a business in the Starling City when he had businesses everywhere else?

"So out target has left the building. Followed him to the airport and watched the flight take off, everyone on the flight list accounted for. What's our next move?"

"Everything on the surface is normal," Oliver said sighing.

"Oliver, no disrespect, man, but you're not the best judge in what is normal. Your father, mother, Thea; even your own secret identity." Oliver shot a glare. "Can't your memory help with this?"

"I wasn't exactly preoccupied in Felicity's work, a mistake I am now learning. I copied her tablet, and there's nothing that screams out of the ordinary."

Diggle sat on the desk next to Oliver's computer, "Without Felicity's code-breaking skills, there's not much we can do. Maybe you've made a mistake."

Oliver shook his head, "There's only one way to find out."

 

"You think I don't know when you're lurking? Again, with the secrecy," Felicity said over her desktop.

"Not lurking, just checking if you were in your office," Oliver said, stepping inside. "I called Thea, she said she'll be over at 7:30."

"You here to give me late lunch? Cause I am starved."

He held out a Big Belly Burger bag, "I thought you would be. Hey, where's Ray? I thought I would ask him how his trip was."

She took the bag from him and stared at him confused, "Ray? You want to talk to Ray about business."

"I am still putting money into this business, so whatever he does, I also have a stake."

"He's in his office.

"I'll be back." He walked into the hall and knocked on Ray's door.

"Oliver, great to see you. Come on in. I presume you brought Felicity her lunch; she gets a little neurotic without food in her system."

"She will be well fed in the next half hour. How was your trip overseas? Felicity told me you had her acting as CEO."

Ray stood up straight and eyed Oliver waringly, "No offence, Oliver, but something tells me that you're not here to ask about the food and sites."

"Aren't you perceptive. I want to know about your business with Nigiri. Something appears troubling when I met with him yesterday."

"Troubling as in?" Ray preoccupied himself with some paperwork. Oliver didn't bother saying anything. "If this is about what happened four years ago, I assure you, Oliver, precautions have been made. There's no way history is repeating itself."

Bingo, "And by four years ago, you're talking about…"

"The Triad? He's cooperated with the police, that record is sealed. It was a lapse in judgement."

"And you trust him? Because I don't. Especially when it comes to my wife."

"Felicity? She's not in any harm. I care about Felicity, and I would never put her in harm's way."

"I believe you. Intentionally. The triad isn't the group of people you want to be in business with; directly or indirectly."

"No offence, but you don't really have a say in my business decisions."

Oliver approached his desk without lifting his gaze, "I do when I invest in 40% of the stocks and when you have my wife meet with ex-terrorists!"

"Oliver!"

Oliver turned to find an enraged Felicity staring at him. He followed her as she walked back to her office. If he looked hard enough, she was sure he could see steam fuelling out of his ears.

"I can't believe you," she muttered.

"Felicity…"

"I don't know what I'm more angry about. The fact that you said those things to my boss. Or that after everything we've been through in the last three years, you don't think I'm not capable of handling myself; that I need the Arrow to fight my battles for me," her gaze met him straight on, not wavering.

He sighed, "I was right."

"Do you have any idea who you're speaking to? I am a professional hacker, Oliver. Calvin's background is no mystery to me."

"You knew?"

Felicity scoffed at his naiveté. "That he was part of the Triad? Yeah, I knew. I also know that he was born in Illinois, and he graduated with honours. H e took over his father's company at age 23 and he's been CEO since 2004. His wife got cancer six years ago and the only treatment was part of a clinical trial, which cost him a fortune to pay for, and the only way to continue being CEO and take care of his family was to become complicit with the Triad. He was cooperative with the police in exchange for jail time. I know his whole life story, because I am a big girl with a big brain. Trust, but verify; isn't that what you taught me?"

"I'm just trying to protect you."

"By lying to me? I saw you last night. Taking my tablet, copying all my files," she dropped her eyes and shook her head. "Before you want to lie to me again, remember you married a genius," she whispered, walking by him and opening her door. "I'll see you at home, Oliver."

"You're not coming home with me?"

Felicity raised an eyebrow, "I have damage control to do. With my boss."

He nodded, "I'm sorry," he said, and leaned in to kiss her, but her anger got the best of her, as she turned her head. 


	5. 5

Felicity opened the door and found Oliver in the kitchen with Thea. She placed her purse on the table and removed her shoes. Her next stop was the fridge for a nice, cold beer.

"Felicity?" Thea said with amusement.

Felicity smiled at Thea and kissed her on the cheek, "Smells good in here."

"Yeah, Ollie's trying out a recipe, and I'm overseeing. You'd think that being away for so long, I'd learn how to cook."

"It seems your brother is really busy today," her tone flat with sarcasm.

Sensing the tension, Thea stared at her brother who kept his gaze on the boiling pot of pasta. "Felicity, why don't you freshen up, everything's almost ready. I'll set the table." Felicity nodded, and went to their bedroom. "Okay, spill. How'd you screw up this time?"

"And what makes you think I screwed up?"

"Cause that's what Queen's do, Ollie. We keep secrets and we lie and we do it all in the name of protecting those we love. But it doesn't work that way. So, what happened?"

"Thea...have you ever had a dream that you thought was real? That felt was real?"

"Sure, but dreams aren't real, Ollie."

Dinner was quiet and awkward. Thea did her best to lighten the mood and fill Ollie with details of her classes. Oliver even entertained the conversation about Malcolm. But he was glad when he said goodbye to Thea. He didn't need to pretend anymore. 

He strolled to the kitchen and found Felicity packing up the leftovers. It was moments like these that he was thankful for most - the mundane. After becoming the Arrow, he didn't have much time for this; but now, he did. "Felicity."

She turned to face him, her face still stone cold, "If you're about to apologize, save it. I'm tired, and I don't want to fight." Oliver kept his mouth shut. "But I'll say this, don't lie to me again." She shut the dishwasher and shut the bathroom door. 

Felicity cleared off her makeup and made her way to their bedroom. Oliver was already in bed, sitting up. Her stony expression was replaced with a sad one. She sat down on the bed and sighed, "What is wrong, Oliver?" She spun around and shifted so her legs were underneath her. "You keep telling me you're okay, but you're stealing informaton off of my tablet. You manipulate my boss into giving you information you could have asked me for. You're lying to me, you're keeping things from me. You've changed in a matter of days, and I don't know why."

"You don't need to worry about me," he said, brushing her blonde curls away from her face. 

"I am worried, Oliver. But I am so passed that, I'm scared. You are scaring me. We've been through hard times, more than regular marriages; but this, I know it's different. I feel it."

Oliver sighed, pulling her against him, 'Come here." Felicity went willingly and buried her face against his chest. "You are everything to me, Felicity," he said, stroking her back.

She lifted her head and rested her chin on his chest, "Then come back to me."

The previous night was a turning point for Oliver. Pissing your wife off was one thing - standing your wife up, forgetting a birthday or an anniversary - all things Oliver was guilty for. But Felicity's face in her office, in their living room, it was something else entirely. His excuse had always been to protect her, but he couldn't use that anymore. There was a thin line between lying to someone for their benefit, and lying and causing them pain despite the intention. He couldn't do that Felicity. He had a lot of making up to do; but he needed to make sure she would be there.

Oliver drove to Iron Heights once he kissed Felicity goodbye. He signed in and waited on the other side of the visiting windows. Her white hair was what caught his attention first. It had been a long time since he'd seen her.

A smile crept her lips as she sat down and picked up the receiver. Oliver did the same. "What a privilege to get a call from a billionaire. Or shall I say the vigilante?" His expression remained the same, even at the mention of his secret identity. "Did you want to know what the food's like? Or whether the jumpsuit would fit your skin tone?"

"Calvin Nigiri," he said.

Her cackle filled the air. "I haven't heard that name in awhile."

"So it's true. His involvement with the Triad is in the past."

"Involvement with the Triad is never in the past, Mr. Queen, you should know that. You don't just walk away."

It wasn't information that he didn't already know. But he came here for answers. "What does he want?"

"I am trapped in this box," she said, her hands extending to the grey walls. "How do you expect me to know what goes on outside. And you're the one who put me in here, why would I tell you anything?"

"I have resources."

Chien Na Wei shook her head, "And I wasn't born yesterday. Mr. Queen, it looks like you've reached a dead end." She removed the receiver.

"Wait!" Oliver said. "What do you want?"

That caught her attention. "Its difficult, isn't it?"

"What?"

"Waiting for something to happen. Not knowing when. You must be keeping a close eye on her."

Oliver's jaw tensed. "What are you planning?"

"I am not planning anything, Mr. Queen. I'm in prison. I've been in prison for a long time. Thanks to you. It's always hard losing someone, wouldn't you say? Watching someone you love breathe their last breath. It's fascinating what happens to someone when they die. Their breathing becomes laboured as they fight for oxygen. It's typically painless, really. The pain usually lasts for a second. And then their organs shut down, one by one. And finally their heart gives out. It's usually the time they say their last words. It's the time their character comes out. Their real character."

"I swear, if you lay a hand on her, I will kill you," he spat.

Chien smiled, "Time is precious, Mr. Queen. So is trust." This time, she really did hang up the receiver. She smiled as she walked away back with the guards. 

Oliver slammed the receiver down, gaining a few looks. He needed to find Nigiri.


	6. History Repeating Itself

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [Reader's discretion advised! Rated M] History has a knack of repeating itself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Somewhat explicit material involved. Reader's discretion advised!

After a long day at the office, Felicity couldn't wait to get home. She was excited to soak in the bath for a half hour, maybe a bit longer, with a glass of wine. Possibly her husband would want to join her. Oliver had been acting weird all week, and she was sick of it. Yesterday, he was barely there even when he was there. After the dinner with Thea, she was sure he would open up to her. But old habits definitely died hard. Even after years of trying to break in, he was still miles away from her when he wanted to be.

She put the key in the lock and found Oliver's suitcases lined up by the door. "Oliver?" she called out.

He came from the kitchen holding a glass of red wine, and passing it to her. "Hey," he leaned in for a quick kiss.

"Hi. What are your bags doing here?"

"Oh, don't worry about that. I'm going to visit Thea up north. I hadn't spent any time with her while she was here, and she wasn't picking up my calls until I promised to come by this weekend. It'll be quick, I promise. In and out."

She kept her eyes on his bags as he pulled along to the dining room. "You sure packed a lot for just a weekend trip."

"Hmm? No, not really. Just a few sweaters and jeans. And then I'm bringing a few of her things over that she asked for." He met her suspicious eyes and he pulled out his cell phone, "Babe, you can call her if you don't believe me."

Felicity was quiet for a minute, and then smiled. "I had dinner at the office. I'm exhausted and just want to get into the bath," she said.

"Okay," he said. "I'll just put the leftovers away."

She stood up and took his hand, pulling him up. "Or you can do that later."

Oliver knew that look, and he grinned. Following her to their bedroom. She turned on the faucet to their tub, and stepped out of her heels and she shrunk four inches. He pressed himself against her back and wrapped his arms around, stopping just short of the mirror, looking at her looking back at him. "I love you," he whispered against her hair.

Felicity intertwined their fingers and took a deep breath. She turned around and stood on her toes to capture his lips with her own. Her fingers reached the bottom of his sweater and tugged. Breaking apart, he pulled his sweater over his head, and returned to her, his fingers lightly tracing the skin of her face. Felicity started unbuttoning her shirt, pushing it off her shoulders.

They continued stripping each other of their clothes, and finally stepped into the tub, Felicity against his chest. She relaxed in his arms and closed her eyes, releasing a deep sigh. Like this, just like this, it felt like a large weight was lifted off of her shoulders. These intimate moments between them, they felt normal - husband and wife - not vigilante and executive assistant. For a moment, all the lies, all the worry, all the suspicions dissipated, and she was just lying in her husband's arms at the end of a long day.

"I can feel your brain working," he said.

"You're wrong," she smiled. "My brain has actually stopped thinking for the first time in weeks. This was definitely long overdue." 

"Mhmm," he murmured, dropping a wet kiss on her shoulder. His hands skimmed over her naked flesh. "Move up," he whispered.

"Why?"

"Do you have to question everything I do?" He answered, sarcastic annoyance tinged his voice. If she didn’t, she wouldn't be his Felicity.

Felicity did as he asked, and he reached over the side of the bathtub to grab the shampoo bottle. He squirted some in his hands, rubbing to gather the lather and ran his hands through her hair. She moaned, and he couldn't help but smile,"I don't think I've done this since our honeymoon."

Her eyes were closed, and she leaned her head back, "Well, I am officially making this a weekly event from now on."

Oliver continued to rub circles on her scalp and then reached for their shower head, washing the lather. "We probably should've done this in the shower," he chuckled.

Her voice was drugged with pleasure, "I don't even care, it feels too good." Once he was finished, he pulled her back and began rubbing her shoulders, "You're spoiling me."

"You deserve it. You're so tense.

"Things are just tough at work, but I don't want to talk about work." Felicity rolled over and kneeled on the cold porcelain, running her hands over his chest, over each scar and tattoo. Oliver leaned in his head back and groaned quietly. 

She started with a light kiss on large scar on his ribcage, the next was on his Bratva tattoo. Oliver pushed her already-forming curls away, brushing his lips on her foreheads. She returned the display of affection on his scar on his shoulder, courtesy of Yao Fei. Felicity's hands roamed low, touching his scar on his abs, given by Billy Wintergreen; and then lower. He twitched in her hands and she smiled. "Okay?"

Oliver swallowed a groan, and used his hands to pull her onto his lap. By the feel of it, she was ready. This time, it was her turn to groan. "Are you?" He took her lips and devoured her whole, slipping his tongue into her willing mouth, mimicking the act of lovemaking.

Felicity ground herself against him, not caring about the water sloshing over the rim. "Oliver?"

He moved his lips over to her neck and gently bit her skin, soothing the ache with his tongue. "Mhmm?"

"Bed. Now." As hard as it was, she took the towel overhead, and stepped out, bringing half the bath water with her.

Oliver chuckled and groaned, taking out the drain and followed suit, sans towel. He bumped into her, and tossed her onto the bed. He took the towel and unwrapped her like a present, "This needs to go."

She bit her bottom lip, "I'm wet."

Oliver raised an eyebrow and did his own check of that. Felicity squeezed her eyes shut, half embarrassed of what slipped out of her lips and half turned on. "I can vouch for that statement."

He loved her like this, pliant beneath him. "Baby," he whispered. It was his version of a command, and she complied by spreading her legs. Using his arms, he pushed her backwards on their bed, and kissed a wet trail down her body, paying special attention to the spots he knew she loved.

"Oliver," she moaned."Please."

His lips spread into a smile, and kissed his way back up, raising her hands above her head, stretching her body for his satisfaction. One hand traced down ad guided his shaft to her opening and pushed inside. "Fuck," he groaned. Almost three years and he still couldn't get used to this, the way she fit him. He buried his face in her neck, taking in the smell of her shampoo and what he could only call Felicity. He eased put and then thrust inside completely.

Felicity raised her legs and wrapped them around his waist. He pumped into her with slow, steady thrusts, her moans filling his ears letting him know he was hitting all the right spots. They found their rhythm together, just as they always did. She dropped her hands, digging her fingernails into his back. "Baby," she cried out.

He pumped into her harder and faster, "Felicity," he bit down on her shoulder as she rode out her climax. It didn’t take long for him to follow suit, and he collapsed on top of her. "I'm so in love with you."

Felicity rolled the both of him, which was easy now that he was completely jelly on top of her. She dropped his chest as a pillow and sighed her release. "This is the closest I've felt with you in weeks," Felicity admitted.

"Felicity…"

"I don't care what happened, I don't care why you're leaving. Just finish everything you need to get done and come home to me. Let's just start over once you come back, okay?" She kissed him hard.

"I promise," he whispered.

His alarm clock woke him, and he got dressed for the airport. Felicity awoke at the sound of shower and she wrapped herself in her robe, making him coffee on the go. He snuck up behind her. "Morning."

The sun was just peeking out from the night sky, and he nibbled her ear lobe. "You didn't have to get up."

"I wanted to. I wanted to say goodbye," she wrapped an arm around his waist as they walked to the door. "You'll call me when you land?"

"Of course."

"And you won't get into any trouble?"

He chuckled, "When it comes to Thea, I can't make any promises."

The town car honked his horn, and Oliver swung her around to hug her hard. "I will be back in a few days, fully charged and ready for a replay of last night. I promise," he kissed the tip of her nose.

"I love you."

Oliver picked up his bags and slipped inside the backseat of the car, ready to go to the airport. The flight to Tokyo was going to be a long one.

Felicity took out her cell phone and dialled a number. "He just left for the airport. Now you promised me you wouldn't hurt him. I haven't told him anything about I know. I kept my end of the deal."


	7. 7

The ride to Tokyo was a long one. Thea grabbed her bags off of the luggage claim, "You know, when you said weekend in Tokyo, I wasn't exactly sure what I'd expect. Lying to your wife, not one of them."

"You're not lying to her. She expects me to be with you this weekend and I will be." He took her luggage and led the way to their car.

They got to their hotel, adjoined rooms of course, and Oliver handed Thea the phone. "Call her." Thea rolled her eyes and hit number 2 on speed dial.

 

It was just passed midnight and Felicity was already asleep. She reached for her phone, which sounded like it was blaring in the depths of sleep; and she made out Oliver's features. "Hey, I was just thinking about you."

"A little gross, but I'll take it that you knew it was me calling and not Ollie."

Felicity smiled and pushed herself up against the pillows. "I was thinking about you, too, Thea; if it makes you feel any better. How are you guys? How was the flight? I expected a phone call hours ago."

"His flight was delayed," she lied. "And he just got to my apartment," another lie. "I'll let you talk to Ollie." She held the phone out, "Time difference, dummy," she whispered.

Crap, he thought. Something he forgot about. "Hey."

Hearing his voice made her smile, "Hi, how was the flight?"

Oliver took the phone into his room and shut the door. "Long. I forgot about the time, I woke you, didn't I?"

"Yeah, you did. Its okay, I just want to hear your voice. I was dreaming about us."

His lips curved into a smile, "Hmm?"

"On a beach somewhere. White sand, blue waters. Just us."

"How about you hold onto that dream, and when I come home, we'll plan it."

"Don't make promises you can't keep."

"I'll let you get some sleep. I'll be home soon. I love you."

"I love you, too. Oliver?"

"Hm?"

"Come home to me." She hung up the phone first and her gaze focused in on their wedding photo. She wanted so dearly to go back and redo this part of her life; to make the right choice.

Thea stood in the doorway, "Ollie, we can go home. I can book the tickets right now, next flight to Starling. You don't have to do this. I know you think you do, but you don't."His jaw tensed whilst staring at the phone. "No, we stick to the plan. Get a hold of Dig. We leave in six hours." Thea nodded and shut the door to their adjoining rooms. Oliver went into his bag and loaded the gun. The Arrow wasn't anything here, so he needed to change is tactic. But the end result would be the same, only one person was going to die, and it wouldn't be Felicity.

Once nightfall hit, Dig hit the road with the two siblings in the back. Oliver could see Thea fidgeting beside him. He took her hand and made her look at him, 'You're on watch, Thea. That's it, nothing to worry about. In and out. And then we'll go home."

"We're here," Dig said.

"Get in front, and stay on the line," Thea nodded. "In and out." She turned the intercom in her ear on and shut the door.

They took two of the security guards out at the door and made their way into the elevator. "So you going to kill him?" Oliver turned to glare at John. "Listen man, you've done a good thing for a long time - you hung up the hood for awhile, got yourself a life. This could change everything."

"You telling me that if this were Lyla, you wouldn't do whatever it took to save her?"

"That's not what I'm saying. I just don’t want you to regret anything that happens."

"If it'll keep my wife alive, I can live with it."

The elevator doors opened and Oliver raised his gun, keeping an eye out. It was in the middle of the night, most of the lights were off except for one. He made eye contact with Diggle, and Diggle turned left. "Thea, what you see?" he whispered.

"You guys are clean. Two people just left the building and there's only a few lights on on the fourth floor."

His hand was still raised as he approached the door, Nigiri's back towards him. Oliver could hear his own breathing, his heart pumping in his chest.

"Don't just lurk in the shadows, Mr. Queen, you'll be invited in," Nigiri turned around and dropped a folder on his desk. "I was alerted you were on a plane out of Starling City, on your way to Tokyo. I was expecting this visit. Please, sit down."

Oliver tightened his grip on his gun. "No? Then you wouldn't mind if I sit. No need for the gun, I know if you wanted me dead, I'd be dead. I'm sure you have questions for me. Mrs. Queen always spoke so kindly of you."

"Don't you dare say her name," he ground out.

Nigiri just smiled, "She's very beautiful. I can see why you fell for her. If only she was strong like you. It was very easy to persuade her. All it took was a promise that you'd be free from harm."

"What are you talking about?"

"Mr. Queen, how did I know that you'd be here in Tokyo? How did I know that your little sister is outside in a rental car and your associate is wandering the halls? How did I know that you would show up here with a gun fighting for your wife? She told me you were coming to give me a warning, although I rightly assumed that the warning comes with a threat of death. Now you can shoot me right here, and my body will be found by the cleaning crew in exactly three hours, where you and your family will be off and away back to Starling. Or, you can sit and we can talk about the real threat."

"Talk," Oliver kept his position.

Nigiri nodded, a smirk on his face. "My wife got cancer six years ago. Brain tumour. She was given three months to live. Do you know how much hearing that news hurt, Mr. Queen? Your whole world falls apart," this time, his smirk disappeared. "They send you a social worker to talk about your feelings, what to expect, if I had any questions. Just one - how do I save her? And then they call you and say there's a new miracle treatment; it's costly and no promises that it'll work, but a life line is a life line. So you grab on and hold onto it with dear life, no matter what the cost. Though, that's the catch, the cost?"

"So you jump into bed the Triad?" he spat.

"They pay for the treatment, I deal with the consequence; it's a win-win."

"But it wasn't. Because you never leave the Triad."

Nigiri nodded, "Why is it that your name showed up on the list, Mr. Queen. Why is it that the Triad wants you dead? Your wife found out, and she offered herself in exchange. Now I told her that's not how it works. But then it occurred to me, if you destroy the one thing that makes him feel alive again, you kill him too. Win-win."

"You sonofabitch! You stay the hell away from my wife, you hear me!" But then the world went black.

 

"Oliie? Ollie?"

Oliver awoke back in the hotel room dazed. "I'm fine," he pushed her hands away. "Where's Dig?"

"In his room. He got ambushed, too."

"Did you get hurt?"

"I'm fine. I'm fine, Ollie. Did you get what you came for?"

He rubbed his face, "She knew. She knew about all of this."

Thea sat back, "What are you talking about? Felicity knew? Knew what?"

"She called him. She told him we were coming. He knew everything! She's working with him to protect me."

"Wow, aren't you two a pair? So what happens now?"

"Is the flight booked? We should head for the airport."

"Ollie! What happens now?"

"I don't know, Thea! I don't know. They want to kill me, but now Felicity is the one they want because they know that if they hurt her, if they even touch her, it'll be worse than dying. So I don't know how to protect her, how to help her. She knew, Thea. Felicity bargained her life for mine and I don't know what to do."

Thea went to him and laid a hand on his shoulder, "She did what you would've done, Ollie."

 

Oliver arrived back home and his phone buzzed. It was Thea, "Get home alright?"

"Yeah. I landed an hour ago. Listen, I was thinking about your situation," she said.

"What about it?" He took his bags from baggage claim and made his way to the car waiting for him.

"What if they realize that killing Felicity won't be your weakness? What if they think that the only way to kill you is to kill you; that way whatever feud you and Triad have will be between you and the Triad."

"And how would I do that?"

"Divorce her."


	8. Last Night

Oliver couldn't believe the words that were coming out of his sister's mouth. "Divorce Felicity? Are you serious? Thea, even if I thought that had a chance of working, don't you think it'll be a little too convenient if I just divorced her out of the blue?"

"Not if you make it convincing. Listen, Felicity has no idea what happened during this trip. Which means that she also doesn't know what didn't happen on this trip."

"How about we stop talking code and just spit it out, Thea."

Thea paused on the phone, "Tell Felicity the one thing she doesn't want to believe - that you weren't faithful to her. If she believes you then whatever she tells Nigiri won't matter. I think all that matters right now is to get the target off of Felicity."

He hit the end button before he could even respond. What Thea was even suggesting was ridiculous, even if she did have a point. If Felicity even believed him, she wouldn't be able to look at him, let alone want him alive.

His driver met him outside and opened his car door. Whatever plan he could think of needed to wait because he wanted to see his wife.

 

Felicity checked her phone what she thought to be a million times. Nigiri was vague during their phone call, not mentioning about their run-in. And it wasn't helping that Oliver didn't call or text her yet. He should be coming home today and she was stuck at work.

"Hello sunshine."

Felicity raised her head and sighed in relief. She dropped her pen and walked around her desk, throwing herself at him, "Thank God you're home! I missed you so much," she said.

Oliver curved his face into her neck, breathing her in. "I missed you, too, baby," he breathed. "Are you busy over here?"

She broke away from him, but grabbed hold of his hand, not wanting to stop touching him. "Yes, but I would rather be with you. This can wait."

"You sure? I can come back later."

"No, no, no. I can do all of this tomorrow or hand it off to Ray, I'm sure he owes me a few favours. Let's go somewhere, just the two of us."

Oliver picked up her jacket and helped her to put it on. He took her hand and led her out of the office.

After grabbing dinner, they took a walk down the pier on the way home, Felicity buried in his side for warmth. "How was Thea?"

He paused remembering their phone conversation, "She's fine. Good. It was good to see her."

"Did you run into any trouble?"

"None," he said. "Come on," he said, pulling her towards the railing.

Felicity groaned, "Oliver, let's go home, its freezing out here."

He just smiled, pushing her in front of him and wrapping his body around hers. She could hear him breathing against her ear and she closed her eyes. "It is beautiful out here. We never do this, it seems like we're constantly on the move."

"Do you ever wonder what our lives would have been like if we were normal?" she asked.

"What do you mean?" he asked, pulling her closer against him.

She sighed, "I mean if Oliver Queen wasn't the Arrow and I was still an IT girl. Do you think we would've met and you would have still fallen in love with me? Would we still get married?"

It was his turn to sigh, "Felicity, before the island, my life was a mess. I was sleeping with Sara while dating Laurel. I wouldn't know responsibility if it hit me in the face. But after the island, everything changed for me. I became dangerous and a killer. And then I saw you. You reminded me what it was like to be human again, to want things again. You were as normal as I could get. If you're asking me if I would still love you." he placed his lips next to her ear, "a million times yes."

Felicity turned around, slipping her arms around his waist inside his jacket, "You think your playboy self would love me?"

Oliver snickered, "I think my playboy self would be too intimidated by your computer hacking skill, I'd have no choice but to be reformed."

She smiled and buried her face in his chest. Oliver curved into her neck, "I don't even remember what life was like before I met you. I was boring, predictable. I love the life that we have together, Oliver." She pulled far enough away to look at him. "Whenever I feel like we're falling apart, you pull me back. I just want you to know how thankful I am to have you in my life. You made my life exciting and extraordinary. I am extraordinary because of you. And I want you to know that you make me happy."

Oliver froze underneath her touch. This was it; this was her goodbye. She was saying all the things she needed to say in case she never got the chance to do so. He kissed her hard and wrapped her tight in his arms, "I know. I know. Come on, let's go home."

She may think that this was it for them, but tonight was theirs. Whatever happened tomorrow could wait until tomorrow. Tonight was going to be about them, that he could make sure of.

He made love to her. Possibly for the last time. He held her all night. Possibly for the last time. Maybe they would find their way back to each other, some day. But Thea was right; the only thing that mattered was survival. And one thing he knew how to was survive; it meant doing things you never pictured yourself doing in a million years.


	9. 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So thanks for all the kudos and all the comments, it's great hearing feedback. 
> 
> Here's an extra long chapter that I've been sort of rambling on for three weeks. I kind of smushed everything in to this one, so forgive the random jumps in sequence.
> 
> Again, thanks for all :)
> 
> And a shameless plug for myself, follow me on tumblr! tenerife-sea232.tumblr.com :):)

After the night they had together, Felicity couldn't wait to come home. She packed up her things and drove home, smiling when she saw the light on and Oliver's car in the driveway. He was home.

She stuck her inside and opened the door, "Oliver?" she called out, dropping her bag on the floor and checking the mail. "Oliver?" She slipped off her heels and walked the short distance to the kitchen. "Hey, you didn't hear me calling you?"

"Felicity, we need to talk."

She looked up and her smile turned into a frown, "Well, I know your angry face when I see it." When her eyes reached his shoes, her heart sped up ten-fold, "Why are your bags packed?"

"I called Diggle, and I'll be spending my time there until everything is official."

"Until what is official?"He handed her a manila envelope and Felicity ripped it open without taking her eyes off of him. Her gaze dropped to the papers and she froze. "You bastard," she whispered. "Divorce papers?! You're handing me divorce papers, two weeks before our anniversary?"

Oliver kept his tone levelled, but he couldn't look at her straight on, knowing his eyes would be a dead giveaway, "I wasn't honest with you. When I went to see Thea, something happened."

Felicity's hands were shaking. "Oliver, what are you talking about."

"I'm sorry," he said.

Her brain couldn't fathom the words. She had come home to have dinner with her husband, not to sign a document that made her unmarried. "Last night we were happy. I was happy. And now you're asking me for a divorce? What that hell happened in the last 12 hours?!"

"Felicity," Oliver whispered.

Felicity shook her head and couldn't help when her eyes filled with tears, "Do not apologize. I never understood why people apologize after they do something horrible. Own up to it, Oliver, you wanted a divorce and now you're getting one." It was then when his eyes met hers. "What? You thought I'd fight it? I've known you for years, Oliver, when you want something, you tend to do whatever it is to get it. Although I am confused as to the whole production - the dinner last night, the walk. Telling me you loved me, making love to me. Was that your last laugh? And you knew I could draw up these papers myself without consulting…" she looked at the notary and scoffed, "Laurel. You consulted Laurel for our divorce?! Great."

"Felicity."

"I'll sign. Just after you tell me why," the last word escaped in a shaky breath. "The last thing I want to do is to force you to be with me if you don't want to anymore," her voice broke.

Oliver was quiet for a moment. She already thought the worst of him, why not add another thing to the list of crimes he had."You were right. When you said that you thought I'd never want a family. I've seen people die, watched everyone I loved die and I can't do that anymore. I'm too dangerous, and that's on me."

"You're lying to me. You brought up a family," she said taking a step forward. "You promised me a vacation, time for the two of us, just the two of us."

"Don't make me say it, please."

Felicity cupped his cheeks with her hands, shaking her head, "Oliver. I'll do whatever it is that you want me to do. We were happy," she repeated.

"I cheated on you."

Felicity dropped her hands and took a step back. Her lips parted in shock. "No. You'd never do that."

"Felicity, please."

"No," she shook her head fervently. "You'd never do that to me, Oliver. Never. I know you. Cheating is not you!

"I'm not the man you think I am, Felicity. I'm not the man you married. I've made a mistake and I have to live with the consequences."

"No."

"Felicity, goddammit! Do you really want to hear the details? You know we've been off. You sensed it. All the lies and the betrayals, you think it's because of work. It's because I can't do this anymore. I don't want to do this anymore. I thought last night we had something, I did. But I don't. I slept with someone else. I kissed someone else, I was in bed with someone. Can you really stay with someone who did that to you? Someone who betrayed your trust, your commitment? We're done. I'm done."

She waited for more, but didn't get anything. Felicity picked up a pen and signed on the lines bookmarked by Laurel's tags. She took the five steps towards Oliver and held out the papers. Oliver took it and muttered a thanks under his breath. "Get out of my house," she said, still shaking. She turned on her heel and walked to their bedroom, slamming their door shut.

It was that moment that Oliver let his own tears fall. He stuffed the papers inside his duffel and moved towards the door. Three years of living in this home, a home he built with Felicity. A home without any lies, a place he could go to be with his wife and nothing else. And now, with some paper and ink, it was a broken home.

Diggle's was quiet. Lyla didn't say much when he got himself comfortable in the guest bedroom. She was probably confused by everything. Sara could feel the tension and kept her distance from him. Dinner was even quiet. They didn't have Felicity to start random topics.

Now that was something he needed to get used to; he needed to stop saying shit like what life was like when she was there. He drew up the papers and she signed. They had a great life together. Until now. Until he ruined everything. But she'd be alive.

Felicity had waited until she heard the car engine for her tears to escape in full force. She didn't buy his explanation for one minute. They've been together for six years, her by his side so what changed. Everything happened so quickly. It started a month ago. He was acting all clingy, possessive, needing to be by her side every minute. Never in the six years had she caught him searching through her tablet, let alone without her permission. He was hiding something her, something important enough to keep to himself. They never kept secrets, there was never a point, her brain could pick everything up. But this, this was different. He circled November 14, the day after their anniversary. He knew everything, and he decided to be away from than with her.

Oliver couldn't sleep and hoped some mindless TV would make his brain turn off. He was close to finding out the truth. There was one piece left, but if he couldn't figure it out in time, this separation was his only option.

He was expecting Diggle to step out of the bedroom, but it was Lyla. He shot her a shy smile and sat up on the sofa. "Sorry if I woke you," he whispered.

"Johnny actually snores. How are you?"

"I don’t know what John told you…"

"This isn't my first marriage, Oliver. When a married man asks to sleep over at his best friend's house, it isn't because it's a slumber party. What's going on?"

He shook his head, "I'm protecting her."

"I know Johnny is your best friend, but sometimes I think you and I have a connection, Oliver. Johnny's black and white, right or wrong. Me and you, we work in the grey. And asking for a divorce is definitely in the grey. The only thing Oliver is that divorcing her, you're not protecting her, you're breaking her. Felicity's special; she's built differently. She's an optimist, she still believes in fairy tales and happy endings and love. Despite everything that's happened, the bad, the horrible, the catastrophic - she still thinks that you guys can be together in a world where you'll have grandkids. She's good for you, probably the only one who would be. You're losing sleep over this because a part of you knows it's a mistake. So accept what you did, or fix it." She leaned in and kissed Oliver on his cheek before going back to the bedroom.

She was right. Nigiri told him himself that Felicity was in danger because of her connection to him. Cut those ties and maybe the heat will be off of her. But nothing was ever that simple.

 

Oliver drove to Laurel's office and knocked on her door. "Sorry to just drop by."

Laurel looked up and her frown deepened at the sight of the envelope. "She signed them. I hoped she wouldn't."

"Listen, do me a favour and not process them yet. I'm working on something," he took a seat and rubbed his face.

"No offence, Ollie, you look like crap."

"You're telling me something I don't already know. What have you got on the Triad. Please tell me something useful," his voice was a tinged with a silent plea.

Laurel unlocked one of her drawers and took out a folder, "I'm no Felicity in the IT department, but here's what I got. The Triad has diversified it's market. It's not just drugs anymore, it's embezzlement.They get people inside the businesses and then blackmail them."

"That's how they got Nigiri. Chien said you don't just cut ties with the Triad."

"Listen, Ollie, there's something you need to know. I asked one of my dad's friends to look into QC for me. Every month, a total of $100,000 goes missing. It gets transferred from account to account and then the trail just ends. It took my dad's best analyst to figure this out; at face value it just looks like a loss in stocks. There's only one person who's smart enough to do this."

"You're saying my wife is involved?" He knew she was, but Felicity would never do anything to jeopardize the company, would she?

Laurel flinched at the bitterness in his voice. "Maybe not involved, maybe I'm wrong. But there's more. There's numbers on her phone records that traces back to a blocked number. It's every other day at exactly 4:30pm, an incoming call that never lasts more that 60 seconds which makes it extremely difficult to trace to a specific individual and location." She sighed. "Ollie, what is going on? You ask me to look into the Triad, into your wife, and then you ask me to draw up divorce papers?"

He couldn't answer her questions, the less she knew the better. Oliver stood up and left her office.

 

Felicity sat on the kitchen counter, her legs dangling beneath her and her eyes trained on the guest bedroom door.

"Trying to look inside the door? You might as well go inside," Lyla said. "How you doing?"

"Tired," she answered quickly. "Work is crazy hectic, more problems for me to fix. And then I come home to an empty house. It didn't take me long to hate the silence."

Lyla laid her hand atop of Felicity's. "Well, if it makes you feel any better, he's not doing great either. He's up most nights."

"Probably trying to figure out another way to kill me. I don't know what happened, Lyla. We were fine. I knew he was keeping something from me, but I didn't think hard into it. He even spoke about kids. He had never brought up starting a family before, and then he hands me divorce papers?" She brought her hand to her lips and swallowed the bile rising in her mouth. Felicity shook it off, her hands dropping to her stomach

Lyla followed Felicity's movements. She recognized the signs. She turned to fully face her, "Felicity, are you…?"

Felicity met her gaze and let out a shaky breath. "He doesn't know. I found two weeks ago.

"Then why did you sign the divorce papers?"

She had her reasons. Her eyes dropped and instantly filled with tears. "My dad left me when I was eight. For months, I would watch out the window to try to look for his car. My mom would never speak about him, she wouldn't even say his name. About a year after he left, I realized that he wasn't going to come back. And if he did, no amount of apologies would change the fact that he walked away from his kid, his own flesh and blood. Whatever happened between him and my mom didn't matter because what he did, he did to me." Felicity took a deep breath, "I'm not going to let that happen to this baby. If Oliver wants out, then I won't stop him. That way he'd leave me and not this baby. I already lived through one abandonment, I can live with one more."

"You know you won't be alone, right? Me and Dig are still going to be here for you, Felicity. You can count on that."

Felicity lifted her gaze, "Lyla, if something happens to me, I need you to make sure that Oliver never finds out about the baby." Lyla's face turned serious. "He can't know about the baby."

"What are you talking about?"

"Just promise me."

 

It was the night of a fundraiser that Felicity had spent months planning - table linens, centrepieces, hors d'oeuvres, music. One thing she didn't plan, not showing up with husband. So she decided to show up with Ray. "Is there a reason you wanted a ride with me and not your husband?"

Felicity readjusted her dress. "I thought it'd be a good idea to show up together. A united front."

"Oh, a bar! I'm going to get a drink. Want anything?"

Of course she wanted a drink. Could she was another question. "No, I'm okay, thanks."

She turned and saw the turn out. It was good, lots of potential investors. For a company that may not exist in a few weeks. Just a few more days and then she'd have her out.

Felicity felt him before her eyes laid eyes on him.

"Hey," he said in his classic black suit. The same suit she picked out for him.

She definitely could use a drink at this second. "I didn’t realize you'd be here," she said. "Probably should have realized, your name is still on the building."

"How are you?"

Felicity turned to face him, "Oliver, you're the one who asked for the divorce. I may have said yes, but that doesn't mean I'm all happy about it. This room is quite large, so why don't we agree that you stay on one side and I'll stay on the opposite." She waved a few familiar faces and walked away.

That conversation obviously didn't go as he initially planned. He watched her walk away from him in that green dress. It seemed as if she was torturing him by wearing his colour.

Diggle came up from behind him, and laid a hand on his shoulder. "Still ignoring you, huh?"

"As long as she stays safe," he mused. But he wasn't sure if he wholly agreed with that statement. Sure, maybe she'd be safe, but happy was something different. But then again, she was Felicity; the eternal optimist as Lyla called it. Maybe getting over him wouldn't be that difficult.

It seemed as if the night would never end. And her feet killed from all the walking. Ignoring Oliver was just as difficult as she anticipated. Their divorce wasn't final yet; at least she assumed it wasn't. Seeing him just a few feet away made it all that much harder for her to ignore him. But she needed to remind herself why they were here. It wasn't all his fault.

Ray approached her with a filled glass of champagne, but she refused. "I'm good. What's up? Need more schmoozing?"

"Speeches will be up for a minute. My assistant prepared it for us so it'll be up on the teleprompter. You ready?" Felicity nodded. She was half the face of the company. Most od her investors already thought that the Queen on the board was for her and not Oliver.

Just as he predicted, the announcer called up both Felicity and Ray to the stage. From the vantage point she could see Oliver in the back of the crowd. The second their eyes met, she looked away and focused on the prompter just above everyone's head.

Ray was first up. She could hear the blood pumping through her veins, feel her heart pounding in her chest. She was never good at public speaking.

She wasn't sure how long Ray was going for, but the next thing she knew he was staring at her, his hand outstretched. He was doing something with his eyebrows and then she realized it was her turn. Crap, she thought. She took a step forward and pulled a smile out. Out of habit, she scanned the crowd. Every time she had to prepare for a speech, she would search the audience and then she would see his face. His eyes would meet hers and he'd give her a small nod and smallest of grins, silently encouraging her to continue. Just as he did all those times before, he caught her eyes and nodded once.

"Just as Ray had mentioned, we are both truly excited to start off the new year stronger than ever. Tonight, we would like to thank everybody for their generosities. Leading up to this moment has been a whirlwind. When Ray took over as CEO, he promised change; he even changed the name of the corporation. But Ray realized you can't change the foundation. This city started with Queen Consolidated and Ray had returned it back to its roots. Roots that we all have a stake in. This isn't just a business, it's a family business. Everyone in this room is part of that family." She stopped as she saw the next few lines. "Now, this night wouldn't have been possible without some incredibly important people. I would like to personally offer my gratitude to Mr. Nigiri who has funded this night," Felicity allowed for the brief round of applause. "And of course, I would to like to thank…my husband…Oliver Queen, my biggest supporter." She forced a smile and let out a shaky breath, "So, please grab some more refreshments and have a splendid evening before the work week starts." Her statement was followed by light chuckles and the music started up again.

Felicity let Ray lead her down the stage, but then she bolted outside into the crisp night. She was boiling, hot from the lights, hot from the watchful gaze of her audience. And was lightheaded from the clear mistake she just made, Oliver wasn't going to be her supporting husband for long. She let her hands rest on her hips as she paced the balcony.

Oliver knew before she hit the last step that she was going to bolt. He knew her. It was an unconscious decision to follow her outside. He should have stopped himself, but when it came to Felicity and how she was feeling, he couldn't really control himself.

She knew exactly who was standing behind her. "I thought we agreed to stay on opposite sides of the room."

The urge to touch her was strong. "Just making sure you're okay." He looked up at the sky and felt the snowflakes begin to fall. "This is where I proposed. It was snowing that night, too."

Felicity spun around and sighed, "Are you trying to kill me? I know where you proposed, Oliver. I was there that night, too. It was another stupid gala, one that I forced you to go to. You wore a grey suit. I made you dance to a few songs and then you asked me to come outside."

He had a hint of a smile, "I was holding you. Tried to keep you warm. Coldest night of the year."

She blinked away the tears and pushed her hair out of her face, "You told me becoming your wife was stupid. Guess I am."

Oliver took hold of her bare arms. He did it to grab her attention, but then he felt how cold she was. He removed his coat and threw it over her shoulders. "I was the stupid one. Felicity, all I ever wanted was to keep you safe."

"Oliver, all I ever wanted was to be with you. Do you have any idea why I signed those papers? I saw you. I saw your eyes. Do you remember our first date? You walked into the restaurant late and you saw me. And I saw you. It was the same look in your eyes when you told me you loved me." She let out a silent sob, "Oliver, you haven't looked at me like that in weeks, in months; and I thought that maybe you were just stressed and tired and busy." Felicity paused to take a breath.

"They tell you that you don't know what love looks like. They're wrong, because I saw it every time you looked at me. Like I was the most precious thing in the world. The way you kissed me, the way you touched me; I had never felt so safe, so protected than when I was in your arms. And I'm sorry that I gave up. I thought I was enough for you, to piece you back together after everything that you've lost. When you asked for the divorce, I saw that I wasn't. I didn't need a story for you to get what you wanted. I saw it."

She used her fingers to wipe away her tears before Oliver was able to do it for her. "I'm sorry," Felicity picked up her dress and ran off back inside.

Oliver shut his eyes and covered his face with his hands. Hands that he used to touch her. How did he get here? And when all of this was over, how was he going to get everything back?

 

He told himself that he'd stay for at least another hour once he got back inside. The party was still at full force. He mingled as much as he could, but the tie around his neck seemed to be closing in, and he was in dire need of something stronger than champagne and stale beer. Oliver noticed Diggle across the room checking his watch, probably counting down the minutes until he could go home to Sarah and relieve the babysitter. He should have opted for babysitter for the night. Oliver grabbed his cell phone and dialled 2 on speed dial. Hey, this is Felicity. Leave me a message! He sighed into the receiver, "Hey, it's me. After our conversation tonight…I just want to make sure you get home okay. Okay…bye."

He hung up his cell phone and walked over to Diggle. "Heading home soon?"

John chuckled, "Every time I even suggest going home, Lyla finds a new friend. It's like she hasn't been to a party since Sarah was born. You calling it a night, too?"

"Told myself to wait another hour…an hour ago. Is it proper etiquette to go home without your wife, even though your wife didn't show up with you?" Oliver's eyes scanned the room for his blonde in a green dress. "Speaking of, have you seen her?" He tried Felicity's cell phone again. Hey, this is Felicity. Leave me a message. "Can you try Felicity's cell, she's not picking up."

Lyla approached both men, "Johnny, ready to go?"

"Did you see Felicity?" Oliver looked at Lyla as Diggle tried on his phone.

Lyla scanned the room and shook her head, "I saw her maybe 45 minutes ago, she was headed upstairs. Haven't seen her since."

John shook his head, "She ain't picking up. Maybe she's with Ray somewhere." Oliver turned a glare towards John. "That's not what I meant. Maybe she's talking to some people with Ray."

Oliver nodded, trying to ignore what his gut was telling him. "Drive safe," Oliver said, patting John's shoulder and leaning forward, kissing Lyla on the cheek.

Okay, he thought, he would head on home once he saw Felicity. There was something off in the atmosphere, almost a gut feeling. He continued to look above everyone's head, but he saw no green.

 

After she left Oliver on the balcony,she made an effort to talk to more people before sneaking out. There was a storage locker not too far from here where she got a lead. She discovered that Nigiri was keeping some of his things stored away when he was on business trips. Maybe she could find something that would leave him responsible and take the heat off of her if whatever they planned went down.

Only in Oliver's suit jacket, she walked a few blocks down the road and tried the door. As expected, it was locked, and she used her IT skills to remotely unlock it. The lock clicked underneath her fingers and she checked behind her to make sure she wasn't followed. Her cell phone buzzed in her clutch, and she saw it was Oliver. She hit ignore. Whatever happened between them tonight could wait until the next morning.

Felicity looked into her tablet and found Nigiri's locker number - C4967. This time, it was a key-lock that was stopping her. But having a vigilante as a husband taught her a few things. She spotted a crowbar nearby and used whatever strength she had to crack the lock and push the door open. "Voila," she muttered to herself. Again, her phone buzzed, and she hit ignore, turning her phone on silent.

She started rifling through the things, checking behind her every few minutes. So far, nothing was out of the ordinary. In the majority of the room, there was summer gear that she assumed also belonged to his family - paddles, a canoe, a few bikes. But something in the far corner caught her eye. She moved towards it and it was a file cabinet. She opened the first drawer, and what she found shouldn't have shocked her.

Transfers, all the money transfer receipts that he used to wire money from QC to the Triad. Felicity stuck the flashlight in her mouth so she could use both her hands to rifle through the paper. Every money transfer must have been in this storage locker. She used her tablet to take photos of said receipts, and then moved onto the next drawer.

This time, it wasn't just paper receipts she found, it were guns. All sorts of guns and weapons that she knew some names for, and others not so much. She realized now how much potential danger she was in, and she couldn't do all of this alone.

Felicity took her phone out of her clutch and dialled Oliver's number. "Pick up, pick up, pick up," she murmured through clenched teeth.

"Felicity."

He always managed to say her name like it was his saving grace. "Oliver. I need you."

"Where are you, I'm looking everywhere for you."

"I left the fundraiser. Listen, I need you to come to 6th and Kent. There's a storage locker here that you need to take a look at. C4967 ," she sighed into the phone. "I think it's related to the Triad."

"What?"

His voice boomed in her ear, and she could hear him on the move. "I'll explain everything when you get here, just please. Hurry." She hung up the phone, and opened the last drawer, not sure what else she could possibly find.

Oliver ran out of the hall like he was on fire. He got into his car and dialled Dig's number. "We have a situation. 6th and Kent. Now." He sped down the street the short distance it was.

Felicity covered her mouth as she saw it. Hair and teeth in plastic zip lock bags. They were all labelled with names which she recognized from the news. "Oh, my gosh." She dug deeper into the drawer and tried to contain her disgust. Everyone that the Triad had killed had a link to whatever was in here. But before she could finish, a hand wrapped itself around her mouth.

Felicity squealed as she was pulled up and pushed back, her feet losing contact with the ground. She raised her arms and tried to grab something of her attacker. She grabbed hold of his hair and yanked while she threw legs, trying to get her balance. Felicity managed to kick him on the shins, making him stumble backwards. He hit the wall, loosening his grip on her.

Felicity tried to make a run for it, but he grabbed her hair and pulled her back. His hand wrapped around her mouth and she bit down hard on the flesh making him scream and groan. She turned to face him and pushed him face first Intel the wall, but he was quicker than her.

He took her around the waist and threw her to the wall. Felicity crumpled and fell to the ground. Her attacker spin towards the bright door and pulled it shut.

When Felicity came to, there was something over her mouth, limiting her breaths. Her hands were tied behind her back and her entire right side was throbbing. She blinked a few times to adjust to the darkness and could hear her attacker clearly.

"I'm working on it. You told me not to worry about her, that she'd be taken care of. This is not what I had in mind! Then I guess it's up to me." He got off the phone and took a look at Felicity on the ground. "You ruined my plans."

Felicity returned his hard stare. "Three days. Three days and this would have all been cleared out. But you had to work your cyber genius and find this place on your own." Nigiri crouched down to be at eye-level with her, gun in hand. "You're too smart for your own good, Felicity. I'm sure I'm not the first to tell you that."

Tears inexplicably dropped down her eyes. "I didn't want to kill you, Felicity. I genuinely liked you. You were cooperative, you did what you needed to do. But that beautiful head of yours got you into trouble." He used the barrel of his gun to stroke the side of her face. Felicity flinched and tried to move away. "I guess you know what it's in my drawer of toys." He flashed an M-67 in front of her face, "4.5 second delay upon release. So if you can, don't drop it, Mrs. Queen." He used the tape to tape it behind her and Felicity squeezed her eyes shut. "Oh, that reminds me. Can't have you see where I go after this. Not that you could, but always take precautions."

Felicity shook her head and tried hard to get out of the bind. Her screams were muffled by the tape, but Nigiri didn't stop. He used duct tape to tape her eyes shut, too.

The door swung open and Oliver held his gun in position, ready to shoot,"Don't move!" He chose not to look directly at Felicity, he couldn't have his judgement clouded. Not at this moment. "Don't move, you son of a bitch! Don't move!" Nigiri removed his hands from Felicity raised his arms in surrender. "Get up. Slowly. Hands behind you head. Now! Step back, one step. Slow."

Nigiri did as he asked. Oliver held his gun with one hand and removed Nigiri's from his back pocket. "You are a sick son of a bitch, you know that?"

Once Oliver was close in proximity, Calvin pushed backwards with all his strength, pushing Oliver back against the wall. Oliver groaned in protest, but it didn't stop him; it fuelled his rage. Oliver dropped his gun, but fortunately, he didn't need it. Yet.

Felicity had absolutely no idea what was happening. She could hear grunts and punches and kicks being thrown, and every second got her that much more scared. And then the three gunshots filled her ears, and in that second, she thought she died.

"I'm going to take this off, okay?"

Felicity nodded, her cheeks streaked with tears. First, Oliver removed the tape covering her eyes and then the one over her mouth.

"Grenade, he tied a grenade on me. Oliver…"

"Oliver?!"

Oliver sighed in relief, "Dig! In here!"

John ran inside and paused at the sight of Felicity on the ground, Oliver not too far behind. "SCPD are right behind me."

"It's an M-67. Any ideas?" Oliver continued on removing the tap around Felicity's ankles.

"He doesn't. I do." Lyla pushed Diggle aside and worked her magic.

She didn't know how long it took to disarm the grenade, but finally Lyla removed it from her hands and handed it to the incoming SCPD. Quentin rushed inside and took in the scene. Oliver ripped the tape with his two hands and pulled her up, right against him.

Felicity went willingly, despite the shooting pains up and down her sides. She needed this more than she needed her next breath. She buried her face against his chest and completely let go, Oliver holding her up with his strength. "Are you okay?" He pulled back and cupped her face, checking her over. Oliver kissed her hard, forgetting that his wife was in a traumatic experience and he needed to be gentle. He just needed to make sure that she was alive. "I love you," he said, pulling her back against. Felicity wrapped her arms around his waist and just let him hold her."

"Delta-52 Charlie to Central. I need paramedics right away, 6th and Kent. Now!"

Oliver had his arm around her waist, taking as much weight as could off of Felicity. Lyla and Dig weren't that far behind and everything else was left to SCPD. There was an ambulance waiting outside. He walked her to it, and lifted her into the bunker. Oliver jumped in next to her, needing to be near her.

The paramedics checked her over, and began patching up the cut on her forehead. "You should go to the hospital," Oliver noted.

"I just want to go home, Oliver. I'll go to the doctors tomorrow, along with the department to give my statement," Felicity retorted. Her whole body was shivering, probably from the nerves.

"Actually, Felicity, Oliver's right. Seeing the doctor is the best idea for someone in your…condition," Lyla said, lifting her eyebrows not so subtly.

"Condition? What condition?" Oliver squeezed her hand, and used his other hand to turn her chin towards him. "Felicity, I almost lost you. No more secrets."

This wasn't how she planned on him finding out. But she could've died tonight. Not only her, but this baby she was carrying. And when she was looking at him now, he was staring at her with some familiarity. Oliver was right, she needed to be honest.

"Listen, we need to get back to Sara. I'll drop the car off at the hospital," Dig said.

"I'll call you tomorrow," Lyla promised.

The paramedics shut the doors, racing around to the front to start the engine. Oliver was still holding onto her hand, squeezing it every few seconds to make sure she was really here. "What kind of condition? Are you sick? Please, Felicity, the longer you stay quiet, the scenarios in my head get worse."

Felicity took a deep breath, "I'm pregnant."

 


	10. Aftermath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the hiatus. I might do a double upload tonight. I usually work on this and then just keep going without stopping, and then realize I haven't posted in forever and that I should probably divide what I do have done into shorter chapters. So don't think I abandoned this one. 
> 
> Thanks for all the generous feedback, and keep 'em coming. :)

Felicity was set up into her private room. Oliver hovering in the room to her dismay. The nurse helped settle her in and hooked her to an IV. "This is really unnecessary, I feel fine."

"Then your vitals will be normal and we can send you home," the nurse said with an annoyed tone. Felicity stared at Oliver who was pacing at the opposite end of the room. "Your blood pressure is high."

"Yeah, well, I was thrown and tied up holding a bomb; I think my high blood pressure is justified."

"Felicity," Oliver sighed, staring at her.

"Your blood pressure is high," the nurses repeated. "But other than that it's just a bunch of bruises. Before we can discharge you, we're going to have call the obstetrician. She'll be in shortly."

"And then can I go home?" Felicity almost pleaded.

"We'll see."

Once the nurse stepped out, Oliver walked towards Felicity, taking a seat on the vacant chair. "Can I get you anything? Water?"

Felicity shook her head, "No. And you don't have to be here. You could go back to wherever it is that you're staying - Diggle's, a hotel."

"I'm not leaving you, Felicity," he said, as if her suggestion was in another language. How could she think he would leave?

"Ironic, since you were the one who asked for a divorce."

Oliver kept his eyes on her, "Felicity. You're pregnant."

"I was pregnant that night, too," she said under her breath. Oliver froze. She was pregnant and she didn't tell him? But would that have changed his mind?

The OB entered the room, "Oh, hello parents!" she said a little too cheerfully. The doctor examined Felicity's chart and then stopped to look at Felicity more closely. "I am sorry about what happened, Felicity. It must've been traumatic."

Felicity nodded; traumatic was one way to cover it. "Thank you. I feel fine, Doc. A little battered, but I'm okay."

The doctor nodded, "Well, let's just hear the baby's heart beat and we'll get those discharge papers settled. Your chart says that you haven't had an ultrasound yet?""My appointment is next week." She could feel Oliver snap his gaze back on her, but she ignored it. She was going to do this alone. She would do this alone.

The doctor pulled the machine next to the bed and took her place at the foot of the bed. "If you can spread your legs for me, and just relax. You'll feel a little pressure."

Felicity followed directions, placing her legs in the stirrups. She sucked in a breath and the doctor inserted the probe inside her and Oliver stood next to her. Felicity kept her eye on the monitor, not realizing how nervous she was. What if they couldn't find a heartbeat? What if she lost the baby? Her baby? Their baby? She was angry at Oliver, but she didn't stop loving him. She didn’t think she could stop loving him. And what if she lost the life they made together? All of a sudden all those internal feelings rushed to the surface - how stupid she had been. Her decision to let herself go was made before she even knew about the baby, and now she realized how selfish she had been. If something happened to her and the baby, she knew Oliver would be hurt. Beyond hurt, and she couldn't believe that she had never thought about this until now.

The room was awfully quiet. The doctors weren't saying anything and she was good with machines, but she couldn't read an ultrasound. That was something she needed to put on a list. "Is something wrong?" she asked, her voice full of worry. She could feel Oliver tense beside her.

The doctor moved the probe a little bit, "To the contrary, actually; everything looks perfect."

"Where's the heartbeat?" Oliver asked.

The doctor flipped a switch and they could hear it. Felicity propped herself up on her elbows and Oliver stepped closer. "Over here," she pointed to a peanuts-looking shape, "Is your baby. You can see the see the arms and legs forming, and that blinking in your baby's heart beat. Congratulations, parents, it's your baby."

Felicity let out a laugh, "Ohmigod. That's it?"

"That’s it. Heartbeat is strong, uterus looks very hospitable," she joked. "There is the umbilical cord. It looks like a good baby to me," the doctor smiled and pressed a few buttons on the screen, pausing the picture. "I recommend getting lots of sleep and rest, and to take your prenatal vitamins. Maybe stay away from gun violence, kidnapping and bombers for the time being," she winked. "I'll give you two a moment while I get your discharge papers ready." She removed the probe and removed her gloves before leaving the room.

Felicity had tears in her eyes. She couldn't look away from the screen. "I can't believe this," she said through an ear-to-ear grin.

Oliver nodded, his own eyes filling with his own tears, "Yeah, that's our baby, Felicity."

She turned to look at him, "It's our baby," she repeated. Felicity stretched up and kissed him. Yes, there were many issues that needed to be settled, but right now, this was a moment where husband and wife was looking at their baby.

**

It was already 2:30am by the time Oliver opened the door to their apartment. "Home sweet home," Felicity said. She toed her shoes off and sighed. "I'm too tired to shower. I'm just going to go to bed."

"If you don't mind, I would like to spend the night." Felicity stopped and turned to face him. "I can take the couch," he said, not wanting to push himself back into their old routine. There was nothing more he wanted to do than to go to sleep in the bed he shared with his wife, but after everything that happened, he knew it was too soon.

She nodded. "Sure," she agreed. "You still have some clothes in the closet that you can change into. I'll bring them out for you."

Felicity walked into the bathroom and looked at her reflection. Her makeup was almost completely gone, eyeliner smudged underneath her eyes. Her hair was a mess and there was a cut above her left eye. She grabbed her make up remover and wiped her face clean of it. Then she went into the bedroom and grabbed a few of his sweats he left in the bottom drawer.

Oliver already had his shirt off when she entered the living room. She's seen her husband shirtless a million times, yet his form had never failed to amaze her. It's been a long time since those arms held her, she thought. "Here," she said, handing the clothes to him.

"Thank you."

Back in the bedroom, she attempted to remove his coat, but lifting her arms hurt her too much. "Do you mind," she asked while turning around. "I can't move my arm that far back."

"Of course." He first removed his coat, slipping it off her shoulders. She winced in pain, just as she had done in the hospital. And then he helped her with the t-shirt he bought at the gift shop for her to change into. "Sorry," he said, pulling the shirt over her head.

Felicity took a deep breath, "You weren't the one who did this to me, Oliver. You don't have to take on everything, you know. I'm okay. And more importantly, the baby's fine."

He scanned what used to be porcelain skin. There were bruises on her back and waist, big blotches of purple and green. He knew what those bruises felt like; he experienced almost a decade of those bruises. She would be in pain tomorrow, he knew. Oliver ran his fingertips over the spots ever so gently, but Felicity jumped at the contact, winging and soft cries escaped her lips. "Felicity," he whispered. Oliver rested his hands on her shoulders, and kissed the back of her head.

She leaned back for a second before spinning around to face him. "Truth? I was scared," she blurted out. "I wasn't sure if you were going to come. After everything that happened."

"Hey," he said, brushing his fingers against her cheek. "I will always come for you. You hear me?"

There was a moment between them, and she was pulled back in time after the Count had almost injected her with Vertigo. She apologized for getting into trouble and having to pull him away from his family. But instead, he took her hand and looked her deep in the eyes and responded, _Hey, he was going to hurt you. There was no choice to make._  She loved what her and Oliver built over the previous years, but sometimes she missed those old days. Everything was easier back then. Felicity took a step back and nodded. "I'm going to go to bed. I'm exhausted and sore, and will probably be in a great deal of pain later today. Good night." Her lips twitched into a small smile before turning her back on him.

"Good night," he whispered.

**

She was exhausted. And sore. But she couldn't sleep. Not when her husband was less than 20 feet away sleeping on the couch. Felicity checked the clock - 4:48. She threw the covers off of her and opened her door gently. She saw the back of his head. He was sitting rather than lying down, with the TV on mute. A small part of her was glad that she wasn't the only one with an overactive mind.

Before she could talk herself out of it, she walked towards his figure, sitting beside him on the couch. "Did you know? What I did, I mean?"

Without removing his eyes off the TV, he responded, "Yeah. I knew."

"You didn't tell me."

"Because they would've killed you. It was better if you didn't know. That way you didn't need to lie. You're not very good at it," his lip quirked to a half-smile.

Felicity nodded, "And you proved to be a good one."

Oliver shook his head, "You were onto me. I always had a hard time fooling you."

"And then you asked for a divorce. You drew up papers, you played the game. You chose to leave me than to tell me the truth, than to fight them together."

Oliver closed his eyes on a sigh, "Felicity, you know why I did it. It's the same reason why you didn't confide in me. You knew I could protect you."

"But you didn't think I could protect you. You would have rather me hate you than to risk anything."

There was a brief pause. "We're messed up."

"Yeah, we are," she slouched down lower on the couch.

Oliver took her hand and started tracing the lines inside her palm. "I almost lost you today. You don't know what was going through my mind tonight. When you called me, seeing you sitting there on the ground. Losing you would've destroyed me, Felicity. Not being able to hold these hands," he brought it to his lips and kissed her palm. "Never being able to hold you again. Never meeting our baby," his voice cracked. "That's a nightmare I never want to have." Again is what he left out.

She rested her head on his shoulder, "I guess I was being stupid, too. Now what?"

"You sleep. We can figure out the rest tomorrow, or next week, or whenever you want. Right now, I just want to be right here with you."

Felicity didn't fight the exhaustion any longer. She adjusted her body so Oliver could swing an arm around her waist. She burrowed herself against his side and let out a deep breath. It's been a very long time since she had his arms around her, since she could feel his heart beat underneath her hands. She didn't know what would happen, but he was right, it all could wait until later on. She was alive, and her husband was alive; that’s all that mattered.


	11. 11

Felicity woke up with the sun shining on her eyelids. She groaned and shifted, but whatever she did triggered something and she needed the bathroom. Now. Felicity lurched to an upright position and ran for the bathroom, lifting the toilet cover, hunching over and emptied out the contents of her stomach. Her whole body hurt. She had bruises for days and now the pregnancy symptoms decided to continue.

Oliver had woken up when he felt Felicity move from the position they were in all night. He followed the wretching sounds and found her hunched over the toilet. He immediately bent down and pulled her blonde hair back, rubbing her back. He could feel her body convulse with every gag, but continued stroking her back until he felt her relax.

She fell back against him and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand, "Morning sickness," she explained, although she was sure he knew. They used to talk about having kids, moreso recently than ever before. She remembered asking if he would still love her when she was gross and sweaty from throwing up every hour. His reply was always _I'll love you more for taking on the burden of carrying my child._ He always kid about having a tiny human hero bouncing around in there. "I've been throwing up all week. Can you get me some water, please?"

Oliver nodded and kissed the crown of her head. He walked to the kitchen and filled a glass of cold water. He could hear the faucet running when someone knocked on the door. He first handed the glass over to Felicity who was washing her face clean, and shut the door behind him before getting their front door.

It was Diggle carrying his duffel. "Thought you would need this."

Oliver moved out to the side and took his bag, as both Diggle and Lyla entered. "How's Felicity?" Lyla asked sounding concerned.

He nudged towards the bathroom. "Morning sickness."

Lila headed straight to the bathroom, knocking before going inside. Diggle chuckled, "Women solidarity. Other than coming by to give you your stuff back…"

"I don't think we're at that stage yet," Oliver answered quickly. "She let me stay the night, but I don't think it's going to be permanent. Felicity and I have a lot to talk about," he said, keeping his voice soft.

"Well, Lance got in touch with me. I'm going to assume you'll be next on his list. They're going to need your statements. Both of you."

Oliver groaned, "Shit, she doesn't need this right now."

"It's okay," Felicity said, standing with the door opened. "I can do it. And Lance won't stop until we do. Maybe fresh air will do me good."

"Johnny and I will stay. Clean up before you guys get back. Get some real food in you," Lyla suggested.

"You guys don't need to do that," Felicity said. One thing Felicity hated - being a burden.

"Felicity, I have been in death's doorstep multiple times, and something I would've liked when I escaped was a clean house. Go and you'll get that. Right, Johnny?" Diggle rolled his eyes but nodded, always following what the wife wanted.

It didn't take long for Felicity to get ready. She quickly showered and changed into a pair of jeans and a sweater. She kept her hair natural, the air would turn it into a frizzy mess soon enough, but she didn't have the energy or the strength to do anything more than to run a comb through it. By the time she left her room Oliver was already ready and waiting at the door. "Ready?" she asked. He nodded.

"I checked your fridge and tried to make a little snack for you, but you didn't have much. So have a banana, it might help the nausea," Lyla said holding the yellow fruit.

"Thank you."

Oliver could see her fidgeting as he drove them to the precinct. "Everything's going to be okay. You know that, right?"

"I know. I just…last night's events are catching up to me," she admitted. And it was the truth. Her body was in all different kinds of pain, she had a headache for not eating more than just a banana and juice and she was fighting the constant urge of throwing up.

"We don't have to do this. I can call Lance, and tell him you're not up for it. Not yet."

Felicity shook her head, "No, it's okay. I just…thank you for coming."

"Of course. Felicity, I'm not going anywhere."

She knew was telling the truth. Especially after last night, she knew that he wasn't going to let her out of his sight. But there were things they needed to talk about, like whether or not she would let him come home. But that needed to wait another few hours.

He parked the car and ran over to the passenger side, meeting Felicity as she got out of the car. They were surrounded by cameras the second they rounded the corner. Felicity kept her head down, and wondered why she didn't remember sunglasses. Oliver tried to shield them both from the prying eyes of the press. It had been a long time since his family's wealth had escaped his grasp, but the public still wanted to see what the Queens were up to. Felicity stayed close to Oliver's side, even reaching out for his hand. He accepted it and squeezed it in return, pulling her along behind him.

Lance had just opened his door to his office when they both walked in. "Great, you both are here. I was going to call you, actually. Are you ready for your statements?"

He led them to a room in the back and took a seat, Oliver sitting beside her.

"We should start from the very beginning, shall we? Starting from when you two met," he looked at Felicity and pushed a folder towards her. It was a photo of her and Nigiri taken three months ago.

**

Their combined statement took a little more than two hours. She went over every detail of the story, as did Oliver, including his trip to Tokyo. They both discovered other secrets that neither of them indulged, and that was what scared Oliver the most. He trusted Felicity with every fiber of his being, but hearing everything she had kept from him, the dangers she put herself into, the dangers she exposed to their unborn child, he needed to ask himself if there was something, anything else she was hiding. For three months, it seemed like Felicity was living a double life, and he suddenly realized how much he missed in that other version of themselves. It was barely a memory now, but a mistake he would always have in the back of his mind.

All Felicity could think about was a bath. Her muscles were tense and her skin was tender. She was starving and she only threw up twice during the statement.

Lance walked them out, "If we have any more questions, we'll call you. Thanks, guys. Felicity, I'm glad you're okay. Oliver, thank you." Lance shook Oliver's hand and re-entered the precinct.

He took her hand when he saw the group of cameramen a few metres away. "How are you?" His concern visible in his eyes.

"Ready to go home," Felicity said, keeping her pace with his.

Once they arrived, John's car wasn't in the driveway. She opened the door and the apartment was in order. It had been a long time since she saw it spotless. The separation had taken a lot out of her, emotionally and physically. She spent all her time at work because she couldn't be home, and when she was home, she couldn't dwell on the fact that her husband wasn’t here with her.

Felicity dropped her keys and headed for the bedroom. Even the bedroom was clean - her bed was made, there were fresh flowers on her dresser and all her clothes were hung up in the closet. She'd have to remember to thank Lyla for everything.

There was also a note on her mirror - _There's a lasagne in the oven. Bon appetite. Ps, we moved Oliver's things into the guest room. We'd feel better if someone stayed with you, who's better than your husband. Remember, he loves you, Felicity._ She sighed and took the sticky note off, slipping it inside one of her drawers. Felicity changed into her pyjamas and when she walked out to the living area, she found Oliver setting the table.

"You found the lasagne," she said taking a seat.

Oliver nodded, "It's kind of hard to miss that smell. Can I get you a drink? A water? Juice?"

"Juice would be great, thanks."

This was so formal. She hated it. But she also couldn't just go back to the way things were before. Too much has happened, and although she was happy he was back home, there was a nagging part inside of her that questioned whether she _should_ want him to be home with her. This was the man she gave her life to, ' _til death do they part_ they promised each other. Yes, they were both at fault; she couldn't blame him for everything. They both lied to each other, they both kept secrets. And she knew he was hurt just as much as she was. But she would never have done what he did. She would never have asked for a divorce. Her plan the whole time was to give up her life for him. She would have rather done that than to live a life loving him from afar, watching him potentially fall in love with someone, picture him being with someone else. Just the thought of that made her sick to her stomach.

But at the same time, she was pregnant. And Oliver was the father of her child. And she loved him more than anything. He was there for her when she needed him the most, he saved her life. So why couldn't she just put everything aside?

"Felicity?"

She looked up and found Oliver staring at her. His plate was already empty and she barely touched her food. She was starving, but just as always she did, her mind raced forward before her body could catch up. "Yeah."

Oliver laid down his utensils and clasped his hands in front of him. "We need to talk." She nodded in response. "Look, just say what it is that you want to say. You want to yell at me, do it. You want to hit me? Fine, good even. But this, this silence, this unknown, it's killing me."

"And what do you want me to say, Oliver?" She retorted, taking a bite of her food, but she barely tasted it.

"The truth." Oliver sighed. "Felicity, I hurt you. I know that. And yes, I approached the situation wrong, and I will forever regret it, but you shutting me out like this; it's far worse." He got up and dropped his plate into the sink. "Tell me what you're thinking, tell me what you want me to do to fix this. I'll do it. You want me to stay? You want me to go? Just tell me what you want."

"I don't know!" she said in her loud voice. "How can I tell you when I don't know what I want?"

He stayed by the sink, keeping his distance. "We're talking, but we're not _really_ talking. I'm home, but I'm _not_ really home. We slept together last night, but you're acting like I'm not even a friend. Just…Felicity, tell me."

"You're not the only one having a tough time. You're acting like I hold all the cards here, but I don't. There's just too much that happened!" Felicity took a deep breath, "Do you know what I want? I want to take back the last six months. I want to go back to when we were happy! I want to be able to recognize us! I look at you and I see the man who wanted to end this marriage. And when I look in the mirror, I see someone who lied to her husband. We're not the same people we were six months ago, Oliver, and I don't know what happened. I don't know when we stopped being partners, husband and wife. What I want is to not doubt us."

"I'm still the man you married, Felicity. We've been through a lot, yes, but we've gotten through all of it, before. I just need to know whether we have a chance to get through this," he walked to her and placed his hands on her face. "I just want to know whether you still want me, us."

Felicity shut her eyes when she felt his hands on her. And she kissed him back when he leaned down to touch her lips with his. The kiss started off soft and slow, but when she did nothing to stop him, he deepened the kiss. His hands slipped to her shoulders and then to her waist, keeping his touch light, remembering her ordeal last night. But Felicity arched her back, pressing her pelvis against his. That was the stick point, wasn't it? She always wanted Oliver. She still did. And this, kissing him, having him touch her was what she wanted. What she needed.

She slipped her hands underneath his T-shirt and felt his abdomen tighten underneath her hand. It was that moment when she lost it - he wanted her, too. Felicity pulled him to her and Oliver lifted her up onto the counter. Felicity wrapped her legs around his waist and pulled his shirt off his body, needing his skin on her. Oliver made quick work of her shirt while she undid the buttons of his jeans, pushing them down.

This was a dance they both memorized. They could get each other undressed within minutes and when he finally pushed inside her, Felicity bit the inside of her cheek to keep from screaming. His hand was on her lower back, pulling her in at the same time he pushed deeper inside her, and just like that she couldn't quiet.

His mouth was against hers, swallowing her cries and moans and Felicity clawed at his back. He always waited until she came to let go, and that never changed. All they could hear was their labored breathing, his breath against her cheek.

"Did I hurt you?" He suddenly realized that he lost control. Felicity always had that effect on him.

She shook her head, not making any plans to let go of him. "God, I missed this," she admitted.

Oliver chuckled and kissed her. "Not as much as I did."

Finally, Felicity pulled back just so she could look into his eyes. "I want you to stay," she whispered.

It took a moment for the words to sink in, but he did hear her. He wrapped his arms fully around her waist and buried his face in the crook of her neck. "I love you, Felicity." She heard him say those words a million times, and she wanted to keep hearing him say it a million more. "I love you so much. I love you, I love you."

"I love you, too," she said back. And she meant it. Maybe she couldn't get over what happened, but she could move on from it. She could let this day be the deciding factor - She didn't want to be alone. Not when she had the option to have Oliver with her. They made mistakes and they had a long way to go, but she wanted to do that with Oliver. So she hopped off the counter and pulled him along behind her to their bedroom so they could love each other again.


	12. Fluff

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been on a major hiatus. First it was school and exams, and then it was because I felt like I wrote myself in a dead end. I'm not good with writing fluff; sometimes it comes across as boring, but I couldn't not finish this story. So here's my attempt. 
> 
> I have a bit more time on my hands, so you can expect more updates.

It had been eight weeks since the incident. That was what Oliver and Felicity were calling it these days. It was a bright morning, the sun streaming through their closed blinds. Oliver was already awake, lying in bed with Felicity curled up next to him. Her leg was between his, and the sheet barely covered her naked body. They went two weeks without each other, and ever since he returned back home, they quickly caught up on these intimate moments together. The previous night, Felicity had barely taken her jacket off before Oliver started peeling the rest of the clothes off her. Not that Felicity was complaining; sex seemed to be what kept the nausea away when she was home.

Felicity stirred in her sleep, rubbing herself against his naked skin. She opened her eyes and found Oliver staring at her. "Good morning," she said. He pushed her blonde hair away from her eyes and kissed her. Never again was he going to take these moments for granted. And in a few months' time, there was going to be a baby to add to the picture. Their baby. Just thinking about it made him smile. He continued feathering kisses on her lips and cheek until Felicity rolled on top of him. "You'd think you were trying to make twins," her voice still thick with sleep.

"Is that how it works," Oliver said between kisses. "Maybe we should try for triplets. Or quadruplets. Quintuplets."

She laughed, "Maybe we should see how we do with one, first. The Arrow hasn't had a lot of experience around babies since Thea was born, and since she is a full functional adult, think some things have changed."

He sighed and relaxed on the bed. Felicity rested her chin on his chest. "I have a scan later today."

"Today? What time? Why didn't you tell me?"

She shrugged, "Didn't think you needed to know."

He rolled them once again so he was now on top and pulled the sheet down. "Oliver!" she said covering herself.

"There's an actual baby in there, huh?"

"I assume so, I've been puking almost two months now. And some of my clothes are starting to get a little tight."

Oliver stroked her stomach, "What do you think it is? I'm kind of hoping for a little girl."

Felicity laughed, "A girl? I would've pegged you to want the ultimate son and and dad moments."

"There'll be a time for that. But a girl. Blonde curls, like yours. Pink lips, blue eyes. I'm going to have to chase off all the boys," he groaned. "But a little girl. A mini-version of you. I can already picture it."

"She'd have you wrapped around her finger." Felicity fell silent for a second. "So, you've thought about it? A family?"

"You know I have. Felicity, I can't take back what I did or said, but I can promise you that not a day has gone by that I didn't want to have a family with you."

"And you think we can do it? Be parents, I mean."

Oliver continued touching her stomach, "I think you'll be a great mom. Teaching our girl about Ethernets and hacking and computer ports. I bet her first word would be _computer_ or something."

Felicity pushed him off, "You're making fun of me." She slipped into her robe and opened the closet. "How much longer do you think I have until I can't fit into anything?"

He came up behind her and wrapped an arm around her. "Don't worry about that. We can afford to get you a whole new wardrobe. You might not be able to fit into your little skirts, but you'll make do," his tone light.

"It's so easy for you; you won't be blowing up to the size of a whale," she grabbed a pair of jeans and stalked to the bathroom shutting the door.

He started to pull on his own pair of jeans. "Well, we can make a pact and agree that I'll eat whatever you eat," he called out.

Felicity opened the door and shook her head, "No. I like your abs. It'd be a sad day when they disappear."

Oliver choked out a laugh and pulled her into a hug, kissing the top of her head. "You are going to be beautiful when you blow up to the size of a whale, okay. There's going to be more of you to love."

**

"16 weeks pregnant, how are you feeling?" 

"Tired, but mostly okay. It seems as if the nausea passed, so that's good. But then my pants are beginning to feel a little tight."

The sonographer laughed, "All that means is shopping." Felicity raised her gaze to find a pained expression on Oliver's face. "You starting to take it easy at work?"

Felicity shrugged, "Ray's doing a lot to keep my workload light. But once I'm bedridden, this one over here is going to take my place. His business skills are a little rusty."

"It's good you two have a plan. Alright deep breath," the doctor squeezed some gel onto her stomach. 

The heartbeat was loud and clear as the wand touched her stomach. Oliver leaned down and kissed her cheek. "Everything looks good?"

The sonographer nodded, "You can see the baby's head right over here. He's sucking his thumb, look at that."

"He?" Oliver asked. 

"I say 'he' just out of habit, so don't read too much into it," she smiled. "You can see  _her_ heart beating; very strong. His lips, his toes and fingers. Everything looks great. Now, if you two do want to know the sex of the baby, I have a clear shot right here if you'd like."

Felicity turned to Oliver who couldn't hide his widening smile. "Do you want to know?" She asked. 

He shrugged his shoulders, "It's up to you."

"I don't know. We didn't really decide if we wanted to find out."

"Well, it's much easier to plan when you know the sex. You can start to shop for the nursery, buy clothes, pick out names. Some parents do prefer to wait nine months, wait for the surprise."

"No!" Felicity interjected. "I mean, who am I kidding, I can't wait. Yes, we want to know."

The sonographer turned the monitor back on and zoomed into her uterus. Oliver burst out laughing and Felicity rose up to her elbows, "What? I don't see anything."

"Well, parents, you are going to have a baby boy."

"A boy?" She looked at Oliver and he kissed her hard. "We're having a boy!" 

Oliver opened the door to the apartment, his smile still wedged on his face. "You hungry?"

"Always," she laughed. "So are you disappointed?"

He turned to her, "What are you talking about?" 

"Well, you said you wanted a girl."

"Felicity, I want whatever child as long as it's with you. And we can try for a girl next time," he winked. Oliver leaned against the counter, "A boy. A son. I can't believe it."

"Are you happy?" she asked approaching him. 

He grabbed her around the waist and held her against him, "The only other time I've ever been this happy was watching you walk down that aisle towards me." Oliver closed the distance between them, resting his forehead against hers. "I am so happy, Felicity. All those hard times that we had, the struggles, the fights, the uncertainties; I wouldn't change a single moment because it led us here. I never thought I could have this life. And now you're having our baby, our son. We're going to be happy." He lifted her up as if she was still a size 2 and led her straight to the bedroom. 

 

 


	13. The End

_5 months later_

Felicity was laying on the couch with the TV playing background music when Oliver walked in. First things first, he walked to her and kissed her forehead before rubbing her swelled stomach. It had been two months since he took his position as temporary CEO while Felicity started her maternity leave, and the best part of the day was coming home to his very pregnant wife. "How are you feeling?"

She had her nose in a book and didn't lift her gaze to look at him. "Ready to pop. Did you bring home dinner?"

"Big Belly Burger at your service. With the rate at which you're going, our baby's first word will be  _moo_." She jabbed her foot into his thigh as he took a seat beside her. "What are you reading?" He took the book from her hands and scoffed, "Baby names? I thought we agreed we would wait until he comes out. You can choose a name without looking at the little guy. What if we choose Paul, but he looks like a Chad?"

Felicity reached for the paper bag on the table and opened the wrapped, letting the aroma of the burger envelope her senses. "First, our kid will not be named Paul or Chad. And I just wanted some ideas. I can't come up with names on the spot, you know that." She dropped her burger and took deep breaths like they taught in lamaze classes; classes that Oliver Queen attended and participated fully in.

"Felicity?"

"They're just braxton hicks," she said rubbing her belly. "Can you believe we're going to be parents in just a few days," she asked relaxing against the arm of the couch. 

A smile formed on Oliver's lips and he stared down at Felicity. "I love you so much," he whispered. His hand no longer fit against her stomach but he couldn't be any happier. In a few days his life was going to change forever. He no longer only held the title of Oliver Queen, the Vigilante, the Arrow, husband and CEO. He could proudly wear the title of Oliver Queen, the father. 

In the middle of the night, Felicity tossed and turned. She was sweating, her back was throbbing and the contractions were getting stronger. She missed sleeping on her stomach, missed sleeping with Oliver wrapped around her and without the lingering pains of pregnancy. And then she felt the liquid pool down her legs. Felicity lurched up in bed in shock and lifted the covers. Okay, she didn't wet herself but she was definitely wet. "Oliver," she croaked. 

He shifted next to her and sat up when he saw the look on her face. "Felicity?" his hands went to her back and stomach.

"My water broke," she said. 

"What? Are you sure? Okay, okay, we got to get you to the hospital." He threw the covers off the bed and began pulling on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. 

Felicity slowly got up and went into the closet, shutting the door. On the opposite side of the spectrum, Oliver raced around the room. He grabbed his wallet, his keys, the hospital bag and couldn't help but feel like he was missing something. "Felicity! What are you doing, you're going into labor, we got to go!" 

She opened the door and went into the adjoined bathroom taking her makeup out. "Felicity, come on, you don't need to do that right now."

She laughed at his frantic mode and shook her head. "I am not going to have our son's first look at me being like this."

"Honey, you look beautiful. I need to get you to the hospital like _now_."

Felicity finished applying some lipstick and sighed. "We have time." She paused and looked at her husband. This was the last time they were going to be in the home as only a married couple and she wanted to savor it. "This is it. The first day to the rest of our lives."

He took a deep breath and nodded. "Yes, it is," he leaned in and pressed his lips against hers, resting his forehead on hers just for a moment. This was a moment to remember, and a moment he was going to keep for the rest of his life. Oliver pulled away and choked out a laugh, "Okay, now can we go?" 

Holding her back, Felicity focused on her breathing and led the way to the car. her eyes remained closed on the way to the hospital, focusing on her breathing. The contractions were already getting stronger and every time she would have one, she would feel the little guy moving. 

Oliver had tested out routes on his way home from the office the last few days, so even in the dead of night, he knew which road to take. He could hear Felicity's deep breathing next to him and couldn't believe that within the next 24 hours, he would be a dad, a thought that excited and terrified him at the same time. 

He helped her out of the car, kneading her back in the way to the front doors. It was still in the early morning so the emergency traffic wasn't too bad. "You doing okay?" he asked, helping her onto a wheelchair. She nodded absently. They had a private room arranged and she went into the small bathroom to change into the hospital gown. Her next stop was the hospital bed she would remain in possibly until tomorrow. 

After some routine checks, her contractions were 8 minutes and she was dilated to a 3. It would be a few hours until she was able to get the epidural, so they were told to try to relax. Oliver pulled the chair next to her bed and took her hands, massaging her swollen fingers. 

"I called Thea, shes catching the next flight out. And I texted Diggle and Lyla. Did you want me to call your mom?"

Felicity laughed, "Hell no. I'm going to be stuck worrying about her than I am with myself. I'll call her once I'm 8 or 9 cm, that way she won't make it in time for the delivery." Her fingers squeezed his as she felt another contraction sweep over her. Oliver counted down the seconds as he watched the machine and kept a close watch on her. His son was definitely on his way.

It was now 4:25 in the morning, and they had been in the hospital for three long hours. She was now dilated to a 4 and a half and the contractions were closer, every four minutes. There was a knock on the door, and Diggle and Lyla walked through. "Good morning."

"Hey, you guys didn't have to come," Felicity smiled, kissing Diggle on his cheek. 

"We weren't going to miss the birth of Arrow JR," Lyla teased. "We came to give Oliver a coffee break, and I would stay with you for a little bit."

"Thanks, but I'm going to stay with Felicity."

John crossed his arms, "Oliver, I've been where you are, man, and trust me, you're going to need coffee."

With Lyla now fluffing her pillow, Felicity nodded. "Go and get a coffee, and come back. I'll be fine here." He looked at her with hesitation. "Go."

He never could go against her wishes. "Okay, ten minutes, tops," he glared at Diggle. "I'll be back," he whispered, giving her a quick kiss. 

"How's he taking it so far?"

Felicity laughed. "You should've seen him when I told him my water broke. It was like he was back to crime fighting. But so far so good. He's taking it like a champ, holding my hand, helping me with the contractions. Who knew Oliver had this side of him?"

"Nurturing? Loving? When it comes to you, that man would do anything. He loves you more than life itself, and now hes going to be able to share it all with this little one. Speaking of this little one, any names?"

"We agreed we wouldn't figure out names until he came. But I have an idea. Thomas. Thomas Queen."

A smile pulled at Lyla's mouth, "He's going to love it."

It had only been an hour when Oliver had walked through the door, but he didn't like the scene he saw. There were doctors surrounding Felicity and he could see her shaking on the bed. "What's going on?" his voice sounded more like a bark than a concerned husband. He sat next to her on the bed and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. Her body was tense and her eyes were glazed. 

"She's dilated to a 7, but she also has a fever. So we'll keep a close eye on her, but we're going to go ahead with the epidural."

"Right on time," Felicity winced during another contraction. 

Oliver held her hand during the epidural, whispering encouraging words in her ear. He was so proud of her, taking the painful contractions like a champ. They were every couple of minutes now, and the doctor was pleased with her progress. The longer the baby was inside with her running fever, the more stress the baby was in. 

And finally, after 45 minutes and 9 and a half centimeters in, the doctor gave the  _okay_ for pushing. By this point, Felicity had less than six hours of sleep in the last 24 hours, and was completely exhausted. Her muscles were still tense and she was still shivering and she wasn't sure if she had enough energy to push this baby out. The tears had started coming, and Oliver's words of encouragement no longer held value. "I want to get him out. I need to push," she cried. 

The doctor took his position at the foot of the bed, and Oliver hooked his arm underneath her knee. Lyla was on her other side holding her other leg, while Diggle opted to wait outside. "Alright, Felicity, when you feel contraction coming on, you're going to start pushing. Chin to chest, and as much downward pressure, alright?"

Oliver held her hand. He could tell she was giving it all she had, but after thirty minutes, Felicity collapsed onto the bed. She had tears falling from her eyes, "I can't do this. I can't."

"Felicity, I know you're tired, but you're temperature is rising and he needs to come out now, okay. Just take a few breaths."

She turned her head and looked at Oliver, "I can't."

He squeezed her hand and pulled her back off the bed, "Look at me, Felicity, you are the strongest, toughest, bravest woman I know. You can do this. Don't think about the pain, don't think about the doctors, don't think about anything but our son. Alright, let's bring him into this world." Oliver kissed her hard and pushed himself behind Felicity. He held her up, taking both of her hands in his, holding them next to her sides. "You ready, baby?"

"Alright, Felicity, give it everything you have and this will all be over. Push!" 

Five minutes later, Felicity relaxed in Oliver's arms as the sound of a cries erupted in the room. "Here, he is. Your son! Ten fingers, ten toes, he's perfect."

Oliver squeezed Felicity and kissed her cheek, overwhelming pride filling his entire being. He was a dad. Felicity was a mother. They were a family. The nurse brought the crying child to Felicity's chest and tears filled his eyes. The little guy was perfect. He was crying and red, had a little bit of hair on his scalp, but absolutely perfect. He stroked his finger along his cheek and the entire world changed. He remembered Diggle's words when baby Sara was born,  _just one look at them and everything changed._ It was true, and he couldn't be happier.

Everything else happened quick. The doctors took the baby's measurements - 8 lbs 6 oz - took his little footprint and Oliver had the honor of cutting the little guy's umbilical cord. The doctor even made a joke about it not being a circumcision. And finally, their son was back in Felicity's arms as they have her antibiotics for her fever. He was no longer crying, but his eyes were closed and he was stretching his tiny fingers. Oliver took a seat on the edge of the bed and couldn't take his eyes off the life that he made with Felicity. "He's perfect," she whispered, kissing his forehead. "He's so cute!" 

There was a knock on the door, and Oliver rubbed his face before opening it. It was Thea, Roy, Diggle and Lyla. "Hey, come in, come in!" 

"I was just about dying out there!" Thea squealed. "Where's my little nephew?" She took her seat next to Felicity and covered her mouth. "Oh my God, he's the cutest baby I have ever seen. Next to Sara," she corrected herself. "Oh, you are so adorable," she cooed, tucking her index finger in his little grasp. "You and Ollie made such a beautiful baby!" 

"Congratulations, man," Roy extended a hand, Oliver pulled him into a hug. "How are you feeling?" He approached Felicity's side. 

"Exhausted. In the best way." Felicity handed Thea the baby, and let herself relax against the pillows. "And starving," she laughed. "I could totally go for a Big Belly Burger right now."

"How about if we leave you so you can rest. We'll go over to your place and make sure everything is ready in the nursery," Lyla suggested. 

Thea handed the baby to Oliver and kissed him on the cheek. "Congratulations, Ollie. I'm so happy for both of you guys. Another hero in the making."

Oliver laughed, "We'll save the leather paints for a later date."

"Oh, and since the baby doesn't have a name yet, just throwing this out there," Thea raised and waved her hands in the air, "Theo."

"Alright, Speedy, get out of here," he laughed. 

The room had finally quieted down, and he took a seat in his chair, just admiring the combination of features on his son. He had some blonde hair on the top of his head thanks to him, and also his nose. But the best feature was his lips. He had Felicity's pink lips and he couldn't wait to watch this little guy grow. 

"She's right. We still don't have a name," Felicity whispered. 

"I kind of like 'The little Guy'". 

Felicity scrunched her face. "I had an idea about a name. How about Thomas. We can use your middle name, Thomas Jonas Queen."

Oliver eyes snapped up to hers and smiled, "Tommy Queen. I love it."

**

The first two weeks home with the baby were the hardest. Felicity's body was still recovering from giving birth, and she was adjusting to the new schedule of being a mother. She had to wake up every two or three hours to feed and her body was still tender in certain areas. Her sleep cycle was destroyed, trying to find time to nap any way she could. She was basically a laundry-doing, diaper-changing, food truck, but surprisingly, she loved every second. She hadn't had any time to make dinner when Oliver came home, so they were stuck grabbing take-out, and alone time with Oliver was non-existent. He would come home from the office, eat whatever he was able to bring home for that evening, take a shower and would hold Tommy so Felicity could take a quick shower, and then it was off to bed for the both of them until the cycle repeated itself.

Tonight was no different. By the time Felicity had fed Tommy and laid him in his crib, she was beyond exhausted and fell asleep the second her head touched the pillow. The sound of the baby crying had woken both of them up and Oliver heard Felicity sigh next to him. He kissed her cheek, "It's not time to feed, he's just fussing. I'll get him."

Felicity didn't refuse and curled back into the mattress. Oliver slipped inside the nursery and picked him up from his crib. "You, my boy, are driving your mother nuts. You just wanted to be held, didn't you?" He whispered, holding him close to his chest. He loved the feel of the baby's hands flat on chest, they were the smallest hands he's ever seen. Oliver could feel the baby relax in his arms, feeling his heart beat under his own palm. He opened the curtains to look up in the sky, and adjusted Tommy in his arms so he could enjoy the night sky, too. "You know, I grew up here. Your mother didn't, but I did," he whispered. "So I know all the fun places to go to. Your uncle Tommy would've known much more; we used to run around town every night. Although our circumstances were different. But I'll make sure you enjoy every second of your life. I can show you all the places to bring the ladies," he laughed. "Or maybe that won't be cool when you're 16."

"18." Oliver turned around and saw Felicity standing in the doorway. "I know the places you used to bring the ladies, Oliver, and 16 isn't even close to the legal age."

He laughed, "18," he corrected himself. "Unless we don't tell your mother," he joked. Felicity slipped in next to Oliver and wrapped her arm around his waist. Oliver wrapped his own arm around her waist and kissed the side of her head. 

She caressed Tommy's face and his eyes fluttered. "I guess he missed his daddy today."

"I missed you guys today, too. Kind of jealous that you get to spend the whole day with him."

"You think we can do this?" Felicity raised her gaze.

"New chapter for the Arrow and his IT girl."

 


End file.
